LIFE AS MY BROTHER'S KEEPER

“And love will hold us together

Make us a shelter to weather the storm

And I'll be my brother's keeper

So the whole world would know that we're not alone.”

The above quotation is taken from a song entitled "Hold us Together", written and performed by Matthew Maher, a critically acclaimed Canadian-born contemporary religious singer, songwriter and record artist. It draws attention to the question that has been asked over and over throughout the ages, and has plagued humanity since its original record in the biblical story, when Cain murdered his brother Abel in a jealous rage and then replied to God’s enquiry:

“I don’t know. Am I my brother’s keeper?”

The term “brother’s keeper”, especially in the Judeo-Christian traditions, has come to symbolize the willingness to accept the welfare of your fellow man and the unconditional responsibility to exercise the necessary choices. In its truest sense it implies a moral obligation and a directive as children of God, to care for your brother. Jesus Christ, in teaching us the prayer to God, started off with “Our Father who art in heaven” clearly implying the brotherhood of mankind and our individual responsibility to one another. St. Paul in his letter to the Galitians,Chapter 3, Verse 28 was direct and unambigous when he wrote:

“There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free,
there is neither male nor female; for ye are all one in Christ Jesus"

And when Jesus, in Matthew Chapter 22, Verse 39, instructed us to “Love your neighbor as yourself”, he was confirming the principle of responsibility for the caring of one another.
The real tragedy and failure of humanity throughout the ages is that, although we have given lip service to this concept, we have never as individuals, or a group, or a society or a nation, seriously acknowledged its relevance. Except for the occassional individual, who by example and life choice have strived to fulfill this directive, we have chosen to place our selfish needs ahead of all else, securing our own comforts at all cost. We will very seldom admit to the fact, but the truth is abundantly clear, that in all things, we do everything in our power to secure our own welfare and more, while giving little attention to our neighbors’ needs. Without question, we are motivated by our in-bred animal instinct which dictates a “Me First” response.
Over the years, the world has seen many examples of people who voluntarily abandoned a life of potential glory and success to follow the advice of Christ and become their brother’s keeper. My personal favorite is Dr. Albert Schweitzer, a German theologian, an accomplished world class organist, philosopher and physician, who forsook a life of fame and recognition in Europe, to become a medical missionary to the inhabitants of Lambarene, a small outpost in French Equatorial Africa, founding and maintaining a hospital to serve the population. He was motivated by an ethical philosophy of sharing, which he called “Reverence For Life”, for which he received a Nobel Peace Prize in 1952. Despite the multitude of accolades and awards he received from all over the world, Schweitzer, who died and is buried in Lambarene in 1965, remained dedicated to his principle of reverence and responsibility to life.
But Schweitzer is but one outstanding example of many, many others who on a daily basis spend their lives guided by the principle of caring for the welfare of others. Each day, in thousands of ways and often at great personal expense and inconvenience, people can be found going the extra mile in order in some small way, to alleviate the pain and suffering of others. When a very successful and prominent Neurosurgeon leaves his comfortable offices in Miami to travel and spend weeks at a time in Haiti under appalling conditions after a devastating earthquake, or when a fireman goes into a burning building to save a victim, or a 16 year old student saves her weekly allowance to send to a children’s fund, these are all examples of living as your brother’s keeper. Consider the example of Mary, a kind lady who has suffered her share of misfortunes, losing her only son at 31, fired from her cleaning job by an ignorant boss, with no source of income yet continues to collect clothes and food to give to her needy brothers and sisters in her neighborhood. All these people, in their own special way, were indeed living the life described by Jesus Christ in the Gospel of Matthew when he said:

“Whatever you do to the least of my brothers,
You do to me”

The image and kindness of these people, quietly doing their work without pomp and glory, stands out in stark and glaring contrast when compared with so many of the “famous” people whose names and faces inhabit the daily newspapers, the weekly magazines and the nightly television programs and whose claim to fame is the absurd and immoral exploitation of self gratification. A young woman who is said to have collected 15 million dollars to participate in a public marriage ceremony and then breaks it up after 90 days, or the investor who successfully cheated and schemed thousands of people out of their life savings, with no intention of repayment, or the college coach who used his position and trust to abuse young children are but a few examples of what appears to be the norm in present-day society. By any standard, in any society, these actions are both a gross abomination and a shameful indictment of ungodly behavior. Yet society is determined to glorify and reward these people to absurd levels and we, as members of society, encourage this transgression by our support or even worse, by our silence. It makes the true believer feel that Jesus Christ suffered and died in vain and that his teachings of love and caring remain buried in the sands of selfish behavior.
But irrespective of the prevailing conditions it is essential that we all make the effort to embrace the spirit of respect, caring and tolerance towards our neighbors and to recognize that we are indeed our brother’s keepers. Without this principle firmly implanted, we are destined to continue to live in a world of suffering, turmoil and distrust. In the setting as presently exists, dominated by wars, racial and religious distrust, indiscriminate killing and absurd social imbalances, it is no surprise that Schweitzer’s principle of Reverence of Life has been discarded on the altar of expediency. The task is not easy, but not impossible, and must begin with the acceptance and recognition of the fact that each one of us are indeed keepers and instead of asking, we rise up and accept the responsibility with diligence and determination.
Many years ago, when during a very trying time in my life, I found myself in need of others to help me deal with a difficult situation, I was sustained by the words of a beautiful song, recorded by “The Hollies” entitled “He Ain’t Heavy.” This has since served to constantly remind me of the need, role and strength of a keeper. I sincerely hope they will serve the same purpose for you:

It's a long, long road

from which there is no return.

While we're on our way to there,

why not share?

And the load doesn't weigh me down at all.

He ain't heavy, he's my brother.

LIVING WITH OLD AGE

Many years ago, one of France’s greatest personalities, a talented actor, comedian and goodwill ambassador, Maurice Chevalier, commented, to the delight of his sold out show that:

“Old age isn’t so bad, when you consider the alternatives.”

He continued to lead a full and active life until he retired in 1968 at age 80 years, 4 years before he died. His statement however has continued on, taking a life of its own and has been used globally as an excellent comment on getting old.

For most people, particularly those who have led a full and active life, the thought of growing old with all its perceived handicaps and inadequacies, can be daunting and humbling. Very few people ever admit to looking forward to old age, and when they do, there is always a slight hint of nostalgia and disappointment in their voices. But the reality is that irrespective of what we do, or try to do, or hope for, the nature of events are such that life leads relentlessly and inexorably to an end and the best we can do under the circumstances, is to try to do what we can to “enjoy the ride.” The fact is, despite all the claims made and all the hopes we harbor, there is only one alternative to getting old and irrespective who you are or what you do, it is only a matter of time before each one of us arrive at that final point.

During the early phases of our lives few of us ever give any thought to the aspect of growing old. We become so deeply involved in building relationships, establishing careers and finding out more about ourselves that we make no plans beyond the present. As we spend every minute of each day in dealing with the needs and the demands of that day, we are not inclined, nor do we have the time or the inclination to be concerned with planning for the future. It does not take much to persuade ourselves that there will be time to think about getting old later, but for now this is not relevant in today’s needs. And even as we encounter and deal with older people along the way, we seldom pause enough to think about ourselves eventually joining their ranks. Instead we use these encounters to improve ourselves by learning from them, or competing with them or even replacing them. This after all is the way of life.

Someone once described life as being a journey climbing up a mountain. You start at the bottom slowly and deliberately as you learn the art of climbing. As you progress upwards, you gain assurance and travel further and plan more confidently. You are satisfied as you survey what you have achieved, and you are encouraged to make plans for your continued progress. Your journey is exciting and rewarding and you cannot wait to reach the top. However, as you get to the top, you soon find that this euphoria does not last and the journey gets more difficult, there are more obstacles and you realize that the road was getting tougher and that you are not coping as well, as you begin to descend downhill. The journey going down seems to be much faster and you begin to get the feeling that it takes a lot more effort to achieve than you previously needed. You realize, ready or not, old age is catching up and sooner or later the road will reach an end. You do what you can to slow the decline, you might even succeed temporarily but in the end you cannot hold back the inevitable.

But old age does not have to be the frightening monster that it is portrayed to be. You do not have to feel like an old garment to be tossed aside as the impetuous youth take over. Nor should it be the opposite where we feel committed, at all cost and with increasing effort, to hold on to the present, completely oblivious of the problems you cause or damage you do. These actions are both inappropriate and worse, can and do result in unnecessary pain, frustration and unhappy experiences.

In fact, old age, properly managed, can be the best and most satisfying phase of living. Older people, having lived through and coped with a bewildering series of experiences, are better able to solve problems, to control their emotions, to accept misfortune and admit responsibility. The advancing years have generally made them more tolerant, less prone to anger or to pass judgment, and more willing to understand and to forgive. And even as their health becomes increasingly compromised, they become much more accepting and therefore more cheerful. This, to my mind, is the single most gratifying finding in individuals who have successfully adapted to the demands of getting old and indeed in the words of an author, whose name I do not recall, “is one of life’s greatest empowerments.”

Every person is endowed with their own peculiar personality, attitude, ambition, image and expectation which impact upon their individual lives in their own unique way. It is not surprising therefore that they each approach old age in their own special way. While a small percentage will inevitably reject the obvious and continue on as if there is no end, the great majority will, at some point along the way, take time to look back and review their lives and their work. If you live long enough and live right enough, your joy and satisfaction will more than compensate your own fading star. This indeed is the true reality of life!

As I look back upon my own journey along life’s road and recall my experiences as I crossed over from one stage to another and remember the many mistakes I made and equally, the many correct decisions I took, I am left with a sense of contentment. In a paradoxical way, getting old does have its advantages for it implies that you have lived long enough to have done things worth doing, to have influenced people who appreciate your efforts, to have memories worth treasuring, and in a small way, to have made your world a little better than you found it.

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, the great American author, poet and educator spoke on behalf all those older people when he wrote:

“For age is opportunity no lessThan youth itself,

though in another dress,

And as the evening twilight fades away,

The sky is filled with stars invisible by day.”

LIVING WITH YOUR THOUGHTS

"Carefully watch your Thoughts, for they become your Words.
Manage and watch your Words, for they will become your Actions.
Consider and judge your Actions, for they have become your Habits.
Acknowledge and watch your Habits, for they shall become your Values.
Understand and embrace your Values, for they become your Destiny."

These words spoken by Mahatma Gandhi, one of the world’s greatest statesmen, preeminent leader of non-violent independence movements, founder and father of Modern India, gifted politician and philosopher, have always impressed me as the most exquisite and perfect explanation of the effect of thought in our life and living.

Few people will dispute the fact that the quality and content of our daily thoughts have a direct bearing on our life and on the condition and circumstances of our living. Your thoughts are dictating and influencing your every action, during each waking moment, and even when you are asleep. Each action you perform, every thing you perceive, every plan you develop and every decision you make has its origin in that poorly understood inner world of your thoughts. They are the key to your world and unless you are able the take control of them and direct them, they will surely destroy you, even as they paradoxically act to "protect" you.

From the dawn of civilization, the greatest thinkers and philosophers have wrestled with the problem of understanding and explaining the origin and influence of thought on human behavior. The ancient Chinese schools of thought including Confucianism and Taoism, that flourished 4000 years ago during the period known as the Golden Age of Chinese Philosophy offered many theories but no real answers. So too, during the period of enlightenment of the Ancient Greco-Roman Era led by philosophers such as Socrates, Plato and Aristotle, who are considered to be fathers of modern philosophy, as well as during the subsequent Indian-Persian Era, dominated by the teachings of Hinduism, Buddhism and Zarathustra, man has searched for answers, offered many theories but no conclusions. In fact, our state of knowledge today, despite thousands of years of search and study, has not significantly advanced, and we are still at the point of offering theories, not conclusions.

The power of thought is the master key in creating and maintaining the person who you are. Left uncontrolled, it is driven by a relentless desire to “protect” you at all cost, even when that cost is your self-destruction. Just consider the unfortunate outcome of the severely Obsessive Compulsive patient who is driven by his abnormal thoughts to commit repetitive actions that are useless, non-productive and destructive and which so enslave the victim that they become imprisoned in a world of their own making. Equally, consider the victims of drug and alcohol abuse, in which the over-riding thoughts of self-gratification drive them inexorably into the hell of addiction. Then there are the unfortunate victims of pathological thinking as in Depression and in Schizophrenia which, if not corrected, will lead to frightening conclusions. In all of these instances, the single dominant culprit is the victim’s thought processes which have gone astray and resist correction or control.

To become master of your life, you must learn to control the nature and the content of your thoughts. By doing so you will be able to bring order, make choices and exercise options related to the actual and prevailing circumstances of your life. By controlling instinctive thoughts and replacing them with relevant options, you will in effect, bring order and reality to your living and avoid the destructive influence of negative thinking. By doing so, you will be able to choose your direction, exercise your options and plan and predict your future course based, not on blind impulse, but on considered action. It is important that we understand that the mind, if not controlled, will react automatically in the direction to which it is conditioned and imprinted. Negative thoughts, if not altered, will automatically influence everything you do, or feel, or say and your life will be dominated by this negativity which will then become the standard of behavior.

It is for this reason that Gandhi’s advice is so definitive, as he carefully traces the sequence of events from the initiation of a single thought to the ultimate expression of one’s final destiny. Indeed, I have no doubt that anyone of us, with very little effort, will have no difficulty in recalling examples of this happening in our lives on a daily basis. This is why it is so very important that we take time and effort to teach our children the importance of critical review of thought processes and to avoid, at all cost, the tendency to respond and react impulsively because, “it sounds good”, or “it makes sense”. Napoleon Hill, the great American author and one of the most successful inspirational and self-help pioneers, summarized this most effectively in the following quotation:

“Life is a mirror of your consistent thoughts.”


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Man's greatness lies in his power of thought.
………Blaise Pascal

The wise ones fashioned speech with their thought,
Sifting it as grain is sifted through a sieve.
…….Buddha

Some men use thought only as authority for their injustice,
And employ speech only to conceal their thoughts.
……Voltaire I have always thought the actions of men,
Are the best interpreters of their thoughts. …….John Locke

One thought fills immensity.
……William Blake

Thoughts are living things.
A thought is as much solid as a piece of stone.
We may cease to be, but our thoughts can never die.

......Sri Swami Sivananda

Thought must be divided against itself,
Before it can come to any knowledge of itself.

…….Aldous Huxley

The greatest weapon against stress,
Is our ability to choose one thought over another.
……William James

Shutting off the thought process is not rejuvenating;
The mind is like a car battery - it recharges by running.
……..Bill Watterson

A VIEW OF TALK AND LIFE

“You talk when you cease to be at peace with your thoughts;

And when you can no longer dwell in the solitude of your heart,
You will live in your lips, and sound is a diversion and a pastime.”

These words were written by the great Lebanese-born poet and philosopher, Khalil Gibran, in his universally recognized masterpiece, The Prophet. They have always impressed me as one of the most effective and appropriate description of the role of talk in human living.
From time to time, I find myself returning to ponder and meditate upon them in an attempt to identify where exactly I fall in the scheme and how others compare. In the chapter dealing with “Talk,” Gibran went on to describe the many ways man may use talk as an expression of himself and his underlying personality. He spoke of those who chose to be with the talkative, to escape their own insecurities and fear of loneliness, and of others, who deliberately become talkative to conceal their own ignorance and emptiness. And there are those who actually speak the truth without even knowing or understanding it, and yet again there are others who have the truth within them, but who suffer because they cannot find the right words to express it. He concluded that talk was the true window through which, and by which, we view the rest of the world and most importantly, how, consciously or unconsciously,
we all make use of talk as a window into our innermost selves. He expressed this thought most beautifully in the following comment:

“When you meet your friend on the roadside or in the market place,
Let the spirit in you move your lips and direct your tongue.

Let the voice within your voice speak to the ear of his ear.”

From time immemorial, the art of successful speech has been the single most effective way man has used to influence others, institute change and generally draw attention. Throughout history every great leader succeeded in controlling the masses and reinforcing his image as their leader by the effective use of talk. The great Roman Emperor Julius Caesar gained much of his popularity with the masses as a result of his commanding speaking ability. Who will ever forget the great speeches of Winston Churchill and Adolf Hitler whose resounding orations served to rally the citizens of their separate countries against one another during World War II. In the United States, as in every other countries, great leaders are remembered more for the famous speeches they made than the changes they caused. Leaders like Abraham Lincoln, Franklin Delano Roosevelt, Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr., and John F. Kennedy are but a few of many, who are fondly remembered more for their oratorical abilities than for the content of their speeches.
Even at the individual level, it is far easier, and certainly much more effective, to initiate and maintain a relationship in the presence of a good verbal exchange. The ability to successfully communicate immediately induces a feeling of confidence and allays anxiety so that the recipient is rendered more accessible and much more willing to conform. No one can ever forget the actions of a good salesman as he works to convince the buyer to acquire a product. His success is not based on the content of what he says, but rather on the degree of confidence and empathy he projects. His ability is not in the words he uses, but on the way he uses the words. He is indeed a master of Talk.
But we do not all have to be master salesmen to lead successful lives. What we do need to recognize is the fact that, except for the accomplished confidence trickster, we are all, in one way or another, a reflection of what we think or say. We are in fact conditioned to feel and think and act by responding to a series of words. Whether these words come in the form of a request, a command, a reaction or a rejection, we respond instinctively. We are undoubtedly subject to the influence of Talk.
Since we are all a reflection of what we say and how we say it, it behooves us all to remember that the only way we can ensure acceptance and avoid rejection is by remaining true to ourselves and avoiding the easy road of choosing to say what you think they wanted to hear, than the more correct truth. In this context, I am reminded of the famous quotation by Duke University’s very successful Basket ball coach Mike Krzyzewski on truth in talk:

I have a rule on my team:
When we talk to one another,
we look each other right in the eye,
because I think it's tough to lie to somebody.

You give respect to somebody.

LIVING WITH SUICIDE

A short while ago, like many others, I received the horrific news that a young adolescent boy took his life in his parents’ home during the early hours of the morning while everyone slept. Even I, with so many years of experience in medical and psychiatric medicine, still find it difficult to accept such actions. The degree of trauma and pain suffered by the parents and the immediate family was, as to be expected, enormous and unbearable. The shock and loss experienced by his peers and associates, as judged by their reaction and their comments in the social media sites, was cataclysmic. Everyone searched for answers, and as happens in these situations, there was no shortage of answers. But all of them were merely the result of speculation and guessing, and there were no, and quite likely, there will never be any definitive reason for the tragedy. In the end a young man with so many reasons to live, was lost forever.
To God-fearing societies, Suicide is considered to be an abomination against God and except in the most extreme, radical societies, the action is considered to be illegal or taboo. Yet despite every effort to control it, each year over a million people the world succeed in killing themselves. This statistic is even more frightening when you consider that for every successful attempt there are many more who have either attempted and failed, or seriously considered the possibility but never took any action. Sometimes I wonder whether there is some truth in the statement made by a collegue of mine during a discussion on the subject; “We humans are all born with the instinct to take our lives at any time, and for any reason, and except for the grace of God and a little luck, we often do.”
Suicide is a worldwide scourge which, despite intensive attention, continues to increase at an alarming rate. The World Health Organization estimates that by the year 2020 there will be more than 1.5 million successful suicides and between 15 – 30 million unsuccessful attempts occurring annually. Each year it ranks in the top ten causes of death among adults and among the top three causes of death among adolescents. Further, although the records are not complete, the evidence points to the fact that the incidence of suicide in the Caribbean is surprisingly high and getting higher. This is a state of affairs that is unacceptable and demands the concerted efforts and understanding of everyone including parents, politicians, teachers and trained professionals as a matter of urgency.
Apart from the tragic consequences to the victim, Suicide is a very serious public health issue that has lasting, harmful effects on the family, the associates, and the community, which can persist for generations. Unlike other events, this is further aggravated because of the unfortunate nature of the deed and the resulting ongoing “embarrassment”. The action invariably leads to a sense of shame and withdrawal, and a genuine reluctance to seek appropriate help. When this is compounded with the inevitable feelings of responsibility and guilt experienced by the surviving family, the result is a further disintegration within the family structure leading to ongoing pain and suffering.
Suicide is a highly complex phenomenon, which despite extensive research, is still not clearly understood and unfortunately, not adequately managed. It is a behavioral action that involves poorly understood interactions between genetic, biochemical, psychological, societal, and cultural factors. Research shows that, especially in regard to adult victims, there are most often diagnosable underlying psychological conditions such as depressive illnesses, behavioral or personality disorders or substance abuse. This would suggest that, at least in regard to adult population, much more aggressive attention should be paid to the identification of early symptoms, the use of public education and the easy availability of competent resources including trained personnel, will have some effect on reducing the rising incidence of suicide.
Contrary to prevailing views, the problem of Adolescent Suicide is, in my view, somewhat different from Adult Suicide, and should be approached differently. Although depression is frequently mentioned as a risk factor in its causation and some sources suggest that this may as high as 75% of cases, I believe that the real causes are much more complex, and relate to the underlying demands of process of adolescence itself. At best, these years are an anxious and unsettling period for teenagers as they face the difficulties of transition into adulthood. It is the period in life where on the one hand much is expected from them, but also one during which they undergo tumultuous changes physically, sexually and emotionally. They experience strong feelings of doubt, inadequacy, gender uncertainty and orientation and have deep seated fears of facing the future and expectations of adulthood, while they deal with the competitive demands of the present. It is a period that is often confusing and intimidating, causing some of them to feel isolated from family or authority, reluctant to seek guidance from them and unfortunately, turning to their peers for help. This is a formula for tragedy!
Compounding this situation, is the very real social and environmental risk factors which we, as adults, do not understand and tend to take for granted. We assume that “they will learn as we did when we were their age” and make little or no effort to really understand our children. We tend to conveniently forget our own period of uncertainty and feelings of inadequacy which we experienced or witnessed in our time, and we try not to recall the names of our friends or contemporaries who fell by the wayside, or chose the ultimate solution because “they could not take it anymore”. I have no doubt that any one of us will have no difficulty to remember several examples among our own peers in our day.
It is this perceived apparent inadequacy or inability of parents and other people in authority to display the appropriate interest or worse, ignore the developing signs on the horizon, that in my mind give rise to some, if not all, the risk factors. As parents and adults, our expectations are directed to personal success and advancement for our children, and we give little attention to storm raging within and around them. To make matters worse, the current adolescent population has the added impact of the internet, and in particular such media sites as Facebook, to influence and further aggravate their conflicts. Not the least of which is the lingering fear of exposure, or ridicule or humiliation that, unlike previous generations, could occur and spread rapidly and lead to devastating consequences. Parents must recognize this very real possibility at all times and must take every opportunity to maintain open communication, flexibilty and willingness to understand their children.
Suicide among adolescents very rarely occurs on a planned, premeditated program. Rather it is much more an impulsive response to an unacceptable situation occurring in the individual’s life, whether that be a failed romance, bullying, criticism, sexual orientation or any of the many variations that has the potential of causing pain and embarassment, especially when the victim feels unable to deal with it. I recall the response of a young girl after a failed attempt:
“I did it on a sudden impulse, when I could not bear the thought that everybody will soon know about me. It seemed that this was the right thing to do especially since none of my family or friends really understood.”
Much has been written on this subject, but the following observation from Social Science department of the University of Amsterdam, Holland, is impressive:
“Suicidal feelings should not be underestimated, they are real and powerful and immediate. The victims are driven by pain not choice. Suicide isn’t chosen – it happens when pain exceeds the resources for coping with pain. But we do know that suicide is often a permanent solution to a temporary problem. And we also know that most people who once thought about killing themselves are now glad to be alive. They did not want to end their lives – they just wanted to stop the pain.”
Suicide is clearly a serious concern which is crying out for serious and concerted action from all the relevant members of society. The only way we can hope to reduce the incidence of attempted and completed episodes in our community is by establishing comprehensive programs involving all members of society. In situations where meaningful efforts in education, sensitization and improved communications among all groups have occurred there has been significant improvement both in the reduction of events and in the general welfare of our teenage population. But if we hope to be successful we must include everyone involved in the care and concern of our adolescents;
-Health authorities must provide adequate professional support such as Social and Psychological personnel to deal with the very real adolescent problems of adjustment and orientation and to identify and correct the symptoms of depression so common at that age. We cannot allow the present pattern of leaving them to their own resources and expected increasing disasters.
-Families must be educated to their responsibility in the welfare of their children. Negative family functioning is undoubtedly a strong risk factor. There is a very strong association of suicidal and other emotional ideation among teenagers with a family history of suicide, substance abuse, marital conflict, physical violence and marital conflict including divorce, neglect or abandonment. Studies suggest that family conflicts precipitate at least 20% of completed suicides and 50% of attempted. Successful family interactions result in providing the necessary protective factor, secure safety net and open communications that are needed to help overcome any challenge or conflict.
-School personnel play an equally vital role in the lives of their students. The ongoing contact in the classroom and in the hallways may provide an opportunity for early identification and effective prevention of potential behavior. Any change in academic performance or behavior or emotional response may herald an early sign of trouble. This is even more important since students are more willing to confide in their teacher than their parents. But for this to take place, teachers must make the effort be alert and proactive in the school.
In the end, the only chance we have to try to curb this scourge in society, and to protect our children from impulsively destroying their sacred and God-given life lies in our willingness, as parents, teachers, professionals or support personnel to recognize our individual and group responsibilities and to take steps to familiarize ourselves with appropriate knowledge. Normal, healthy adolescent development occurs in the context of a loving, secure, mutually respectful setting where there are responsible and mature relationships. Until they are comfortable to express their concerns, positive or negative, to parents and teachers and not be afraid of ridicule or embarrassment they are likely to keep them to themselves or worse, seek out the advice of their peers.
…………This is the challenge we face as we continue to witness the senseless loss or destruction of our children.




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No one ever lacks a good reason for suicide.
……Cesare Pavese

Suicide is not a remedy.
…..James A. Garfield There is something great and terrible about suicide.
……..Honore De Balzac

Suicide is the remedy of pain
…..Matt Hartman

More than one soul dies in a suicide
…..Author Unknown

When people kill themselves, they think they're ending the pain,
but all they're doing is passing it on to those they leave behind ……Jeannette Walls

Sometimes I wonder if Suicides aren’t in fact,
Sad guardians of the meaning of life
…..Vaclav Havel

I’ll show you a young man with so many reasons why,
there but for fortune, go you or I.
.….Joan Baez (“there but for fortune”)

LIFE IS IN THE LIVING (3) The Seven Golden Rules

“We can live only in the present. We cannot live in the past,
since the past is always gone. The future has not yet come.
The present alone is given for us on a silver plate,
to act in, and to enjoy. How big is the present?
The present is a thin line where the past meets the future.”

I recently came across the above quotation by the well respected Hindu philosopher, Dr. Krishna Sadananda dealing with his views on living. In my opinion it encapsulates in a few lines, the fundamental meaning of life and of living.
Over the years a great deal of thought has been given, and much has been written about this most important topic and although there is wide variation in the details, there is almost universal agreement on their importance and anticipation. Despite this, people the world over, have continued to search for their individual answers and develop their own, personal solutions.
In fact a search of the internet will reveal thousands and thousands of publications and references, each reflecting the personal views of the particular author.
In this context, one of the most popular and extremely widely distributed publications is a list of quotations entitled The Seven Golden Rules of Life. Its origin or authors have never been definitively identified, but its content is a rich collection of wise and insightful advice worthy of serious consideration by all.
They have always attracted my attention and encouraged me to seek out a meaning for each one as they relate to my own life situation. The following comments are strictly my own personal interpretations and are offered with the hope that you may be encouraged to search out you own positions. I am sure you will find the exercise most rewarding.


RULE ONE: RELATIONSHIPS

Don’t let someone become a priority in your life,
When you are just an option in their life;
Relationships work best when they are balanced.

True, meaningful relationships are the foundation of a rich and rewarding life. As human beings our lives are based on a continuous interaction with others. In our day-to-day life we are constantly relating with others, whether this be in the school, work-place, social environment or at home. The great majority of these encounters are generally superficial, serve to satisfy an immediate need or situation and then quickly fade from memory or consciousness upon completion, without any lasting effect. These are the tools of daily living that we all must acquire and implement in order to continue living.
But in addition to this, we all need and search out people with whom we can develop deeper and more meaningful relationships that are based on trust, tolerance, acceptance and mutual respect. Without this, our lives will be robbed of the fulfillment and richness that only comes from a relationship where honesty, respect and understanding can provide a quality that rises above all other encounters.
However, the term “meaningful relationship” is very subjective and obviously is interpreted differently by different individuals, and will vary from time to time, depending on such variables as age, circumstances and state of mind. But whatever the prevailing conditions, the one constant factor which determines the depth and strength of any such relationship is the bond which holds the relationship together. If this bond is lopsided, if it is based on anything but a full and equal interaction it will neither grow nor even survive.
Such a relationship, to become truly successful, must indeed be complete and balanced, where each party contributes to their fullest and where the sum total of the contributions adds up to 100%. It certainly does require “equal” participation, but rather "total" participation. Under these circumstances the quality of this relationship is as rewarding as it is lasting.

........It gives joy to life and reason for living!



RULE TWO: KNOW YOURSELF

Never explain yourself to anyone.
Because the person who likes you doesn’t need it,
and the person who dislikes you won’t believe it.

This rule relates specifically to the need for you to know yourself, to know who you are, and to avoid the temptation to measure yourself with other people’s yardsticks.
Much has been written and spoken about this rule and there are volumes of confusing opinions expressed as to its real meaning. Some opinions see this as a matter of power and control where, by explaining yourself, you risk loss of control and hand authority over you to another party. Yet others have suggested that any attempt to explain your action implies a subconscious feeling of uncertainty and inferiority and a desire for positive feedback at all cost.
I do not believe either of these explanations is correct. My personal view is more fundamental and not as complicated. I do not believe that I need to prove anything to any one but myself, to endorse this rule. As I see it, it is a statement of fact which does not need an explanation. Those people who know and like me, will already have sought out the needed information about me and will have formed a favorable opinion and a level of trust. On the other hand, for those who, for whatever reason, have an unfavorable opinion, no amount of explanation will be necessarily persuasive.
In the end therefore, you are ultimately answerable to yourself alone, and you ought to be guided solely by this principle in all things.

William Shakespeare brilliantly described this principle thus:

“Above all, to your own self be true,
and it must follow as the night, the day,
You cannot then be false to any man.”

RULE THREE: EXCUSES

When you keep saying you are too busy,
-then you are never free.
When you keep saying you have no time,
-then you will never have time.
When you keep saying that you will do it tomorrow,

-then tomorrow will never come

One of the major failings of human behavior is the problem of procrastination. It seems that, unlike any other member of the animal kingdom, we are endowed with this tendency to make excuses from birth and that throughout our lifetime we spend more time and effort in the art of avoiding or postponing actions, often at our ultimate disadvantage.
As I see it, our use of excuses is related to our reluctance to accept responsibility for our actions, or more precisely, our reluctance to accept the failures that can result from our actions. The problem is that as we continue to make excuses we begin to believe them and pretty soon they become self fulfilling prophesies. When we believe we are too busy, then clearly we will never be free to find ourselves. And if we think there is no time available then we will never find the time to explore our opportunities. When we are convinced there is no tomorrow, then it does not make sense to plan for the future.
We have to realize that excuses, however they appear, will negate responsibility and encourage procrastination. By recognizing and refusing to make excuses and accepting responsibility for all our actions we inevitably reap the rewards of success, whether this be personal self-respect, or trust and acceptance by others, or confidence to move forward.

.....This indeed, is the fundamental difference between success and failure!
Dr. Benjamin Franklin, a leading American author, inventor, politician and statesman, one of the Founding Fathers of the United States of America, effectively summarized this outcome in the following manner:

“He that is good for making excuses,
is seldom good for anything else.”

RULE FOUR: CHOICES

When we wake up in the morning,
we have two simple choices;
Go back to sleep and dream on, or
Wake up and chase your dreams.

Life’s greatest gift, and the single most important difference between Human Beings and the rest of the Animal Kingdom, is the freedom of choice. The ability to choose a specific course of action from a set of alternatives is as much a blessing as it is a curse. Unlike the animal whose choice is strictly limited to the demands for its survival, we have been granted the wonderful opportunity of achieving goals based far beyond immediate gratification, that permit us to plan into the future.
But this gift of choice does not automatically guarantee happiness or success, and certainly does not ensure any benefits for the individual. These will only come when we exercise the right options and make the right decisions. This freedom to choose is the fundamental soul of life and the creative force for living.
The gift comes with individual responsibility which requires us to exercise and act. If we do nothing, we get back nothing in return. If on the other hand we accept the responsibility then each choice will make life more convenient and will lead on to further choices. This is, in the most basic sense, is the true meaning of life.

..........We are indeed the product of our choices!




RULE FIVE: CARING ABOUT OTHERS

We make them cry, who care for us.
We cry for those, who never care for us.
And we care for those, who will never cry for us.
…..This is the truth of life, strange but true.
Once you realize this, it’s never too late to change.

One of the unfortunate failings of the human mind is the unpredictable response to emotional situations. By and large our reaction is more often than not, to respond impulsively without giving due regard to the circumstances. This clearly leads to inappropriate responses and the opportunity for potential exploitation.
The irony of this truth is that we are all fully aware of its existence and we rarely ever make any effort to correct the situation. This leads to confusing outcomes of favoring those who have no care for us and ignoring the good of those who truly care for us. This paradox of behavior is related to a large extent, to the influence of our upbringing which is directed to “caring for others” under all circumstances.
In the end, we have to recognize that this is indeed a fact of life. We will do well to bear this in mind and to make every effort to identify those who really care for us and give them the recognition they deserve, even as we continue to care for all others, friends or foe, alike.

RULE SIX: CHOOSING TO ACT

Don't make promise when you are in joy.

Don't reply when you are sad.
Don't take decision when you are angry.

Think twice, act twice.

One of the major shortcomings of many of us is the constant inconsistency of our responses. In our haste to please others, or our urge to secure ourselves and retain good feelings we tend to make decisions without regard to prevailing conditions, only to regret it later.
It makes good sense to avoid responding or reacting decisively whenever we are under the influence of any kind of emotional state since our decision is likely to be more impulsive than reasonable.
We run the risk of regretting later, a decision which is spoken in haste at an inappropriate time. Hence the advice to think twice before acting is so important. By doing so we avoid a great deal of unnecessary pain!
Bob Dylan, one of the foremost exponents of American folk music, summarized this problem in the following words:

“People seldom do what they believe in.

-They do what is convenient, and then regret.”



RULE SEVEN: LIVE YOUR LIFE

Time is like a river.
You cannot touch the same water twice,
since the flow that has passed, will never pass again.
….Enjoy every moment of your life!

For as long as I can recall I have been taught the concept that time is like a flowing river whose waters, once passed will never pass again. I have also been taught that human life can also be likened to a flowing river and as the great English physicist Stephen Hawkings described; “ on which it seems that each of us are carried relentlessly by its current.”

-Time is indeed the master of life!
To me the message is as loud as it is clear. As our life, like time, flows relentlessly forward, it is incumbent on us to make use of every opportunity to seek enrichment and satisfaction in our lives and our environment. So often we overlook opportunities or avoid challenges, or ignore chances for so many foolish and illogical excuses, when in fact, had we moved appropriately, our rewards would have been meaningful. Rather than measuring our success by a series of disjointed, accidental incidents, it would be so much better if we remain aware and alert to the opportunities that come along the flowing waters of Time, than embark on the frustrating act of following them after they have passed on.

-This is indeed the fundamental difference between success and failure.
Leonardo da Vinci, the great Italian painter and philosopher was truly insightful when he observed that:

“Time stays long enough,
for anyone who will use it.”