STORIES OF CONVERSION, TRANSFORMATION AND ACCEPTANCE

Saul kept on threatening to kill the Lord's followers.

He even went to the high priest and asked for letters to the Jewish

leaders in Damascus. He did this because he wanted to arrest and take to Jerusalem

any man or woman who had accepted the Lord's Way.
When Saul had almost reached Damascus, a bright light from heaven

suddenly flashed around him.

He fell to the ground and heard a voice that said,

"Saul! Saul! Why are you so cruel to me?"
"Who are you?" Saul asked.
"I am Jesus," the Lord answered. "I am the one you are so cruel to.
Now get up and go into the city, where you will be told what to do."
The men with Saul stood there speechless.

They had heard the voice, but they had not seen anyone.

Saul got up from the ground, and when he opened his eyes,

he could not see a thing.

Someone then led him by the hand to Damascus,

and for three days he was blind and did not eat or drink.

The above description of St. Paul’s conversion is taken from The Acts of the Apostles, Chapter 9:1-19. It records how Saul (or Paul) of Tarsus, formerly a ruthless enemy and a relentless persecutor of the early Christian Church, was converted by God's grace to become one of its main supporters and spokesman. His transformation was as dramatic as it was overwhelming, and his change from one who killed Christians to one who was eventually killed because of his beliefs in Jesus Christ. It is often used as a paramount example of the place of Conversion as the heart of Christian experience.

In one way or another, examples of this kind of experience are exceedingly common in our day-to-day living, and I have no doubt that anyone of us will have no difficulty in recalling multiple encounters in ourselves and in others, when we witnessed a change that was entirely unexpected. The world’s books are similarly filled with stories of people who, as a result of a conversion, religious or otherwise, have changed the course of history.

In all the instances, these occurrences generally follow a distinct, easily identifiable pathway which first involves an event or series of events taking place causing an awareness or insight to develop and leading to a conversion and a change in attitude and perception. This is then followed by a period of assimilation leading ultimately to transformation and finally to acceptance or internalization. From then on the conversion is complete and a commitment to the new view is established.

Conversions are most commonly seen and reported in relation to religious events when as a result of a personal experience the individual undergoes a transformation leading to a new acceptance of the teaching and the principles of the religion. Over the centuries since the coming of Jesus Christ, the stories of conversion to Christianity by individuals, families, groups and even countries are well documented and easily accessible. There have been thousands of instances of people who have given up their previous lives to follow the ways of the particular religion. They have all contributed to the improvement of the people and the environment they shared and we have all come to accept the wisdom of their decisions. All of these people have earned the respect and admiration of succeeding generations for the sacrifices they made, as much as the good they achieved. They are held in the highest regards by all.

So too are the great humanitarian leaders who have appeared over the years. People like Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Jr. and Nelson Mandela whose conversion to their cause of peace among people have resulted in profound changes occurring across the world. A study of the lives of any of these people will invariably show that in all the cases they did not arrive at their final position by a process of slow evolution, but rather as a result of the stressful circumstances and their reaction leading to a conversation, transformation and subsequent acceptance of their special role.

But there is also a group of people who, as a result of their special response to a catastrophic event, have and will continue to earn them the greatest respect from all of their peers. We can all relate to them, they live among us and are a source of profound respect and admiration from us, if only because we recognize that their action is above anything we can achieve. They don’t ask for special recognition, nor do they believe that they are extraordinary people. They believe that they are doing what they were meant to do under the special circumstances in which they find themselves.

In my career over many years, I have had the opportunity to meet and to work with a good number of these people. In every instant, when I encountered these individuals, I am overwhelmed with respect and admiration for what has been achieved and above all, by the faith and strength of character displayed. Consider the following examples;

-A 67 year man who was in good health and a dynamic businessman who had achieved great success in his private and professional life, and who enjoyed all the good things that this offered. As a result of a freak accident and medical mismanagement he sustained a broken neck leading to almost complete paralysis below the neck. After an early disappointment he quickly settled down and became quite positive announcing that God has given him the opportunity to use his illness to help others. He remained positive for as long as he lived. He had indeed experienced a conversion, undergone a transformation and achieved genuine acceptance.

-Nicholas James Vujicic, an Australian of Croatian descent was born with a rare condition, Tetramelia Disorder, characterized by almost complete absence of his upper and lower limbs. After an early life filled with anger and resentment including suicidal considerations, he became a very successful and much sought after Christian motivational speaker. He credits the change to a newspaper article he read when he was about 13 years old, about a disabled man who had managed to achieve great things and help many people. He realized that this was an opportunity to use his skills to serve God and his conversion was complete.

-A 68 year old man ravaged with end stage cancer, who had spent the last few months with intense frustration and anger as only a person in his final days without hope or coming to terms, can feel. It became so difficult that even the professional caregivers found their job seriously compromised. One morning he awoke a changed man, more accepting and more tolerant. He continued to maintain this demeanor to the very end and as a result his family were grateful to spend this last period building meaningful and rewarding memories. To the end, he was sure that he was visited by an apparition, whom he is convinced was Jesus Christ, and was given certain reassurances. That indeed was the seed of his conversion, the reason for his transformation and the basis of his unwavering acceptance.

These are but three of many examples of this phenomenon at work. Like many others before me, I see this as a blessing, to be able to direct your efforts and energy in a positive, meaningful way. A way of finding joy and satisfaction by using your gifts to help others. In a way, it could be argued that this is indeed a justification for your presence on this earth and a fulfilment of God’s expectation for you. The sense of joy and equanimity these people radiate as they go about their tasks speaks loudly of their contentment. A state that the rest of us can only envy, as we pray for our turn to come along. Perhaps this is what St. Paul meant when he wrote in his letter to the Ephesians, chapter 4:22-24:

“You should put away the old self of your former way of life,
Corrupted through deceitful desires,
And be renewed in the spirit of your minds,
And put on the new self created in God’s way,
In righteousness and holiness of truth.”

CHANGE IS LIFE

“The only thing constant in this world is change”

This quotation, taken from one of the songs by India Arie, the successful R and B singer, is to my mind one of the fundament truths of life. Although this may sound paradoxical, change defines life. Life cannot exist without change and in the absence of change there is no life. It is Nature’s most constant and most basic ingredient. It existence ensures the continuity of life, and in many ways, is the yardstick by which all life is measured.

We see change occurring in all natural phenomena. They are in the basic environmental cycles such as night and day, sunshine and rain, cold and warm, or the seasonal variations which occur at regular predictable intervals. We witness it in every aspect of life formation, beginning at the very moment of inception and continuing without interruption to the end. There can be no constancy in life, and by definition life can only exist in a changing environment.

In similar manner, change is the most essential element in every aspect of human relationship. As in all other aspects of life, it serves to maintain relationships and gives a reason for living. In our daily interactions our lives are sustained by the alternating periods of highs and lows we experience. Without these we quickly stagnate and wither away. It is well recognized that the healthiest and strongest relationships are built on a foundation of constant, but predictable, change.

Change is constantly occurring, and its impact on each one of us is determined by the attitude we bring to bear. Many of us are content to passively accept its influence, and like the floating leaf, be carried along life’s journey like so much flotsam, ending in oblivion. But then there are others who are unwilling to accommodate life’s impositions and spend their time imposing their own will on their environment. By so doing, they succeed in modifying the natural changes or in creating new ones. These are the true pioneers, the dreamers, the innovators and the doers who ceaselessly contribute to the changing society. The over-riding hallmark of all these leaders is a willingness to stand against the forces of change and attempt to impose their personal will and direction.

From the beginning of the world’s existence, its history has been recorded and measured by the changes that have taken place. The very birth of the Universe was the result of certain cataclysmic changes scientists refer to as “the Big Bang”, resulting eventually in life itself. Since then there has been an ongoing series of events occurring that have altered the conditions of survival and resulting in a sequential evolution of species which continues unabated. These include cyclical changes, natural upheavals and catastrophes which when they occur produce changes locally and globally. It should be no surprise therefore to understand that Anthropologists spend their professional lives searching for the existence of changes in nature in order to explain present development.

In each and every one of us, change is constantly occurring. There is nothing we do or say or think that is not the result of change and conversely, does not result in change. Even at the microscopic level we are undergoing constant and unrelenting change. Whether it involves growth or regeneration, organ function or degeneration or birth or death, change is the beginning and the end. The mere fact that we are here today is precisely because we were able to more readily adapt and change, while the less fortunate species disappeared because of a reduced adaptability. The great Naturalist and Anthropologist Sir Charles Darwin, author of “The Origin of Species” stated this most dramatically in the following quotation:

“It is not the strongest of the species that survives,
nor the most intelligent that survives.
It is the one that is the most adaptable to change.”





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If nothing ever changed, there'd be no butterflies.
…….Author Unknown

There is nothing permanent except Change.
……Heraclitus

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
The courage to change the things I can;
And the wisdom to know the difference.
…….Reinhold Niebuhr

Change is the essence of life.
Be willing to surrender what you are,
For what you could become.
….Reinhold Niebuhr

You must be the Change you wish to see in the world.
……Mohandas Gandhi

When you Change the way you look at things,
The things you look at, will Change.
……Wayne Dyer

Change will not come if we wait for
some other person or some other time.
We are the ones we've been waiting for;
We are the Change that we seek.
……Barack Obama

LIVING WITH TERMINAL ILLNESS

“Don’t bother to make any plans, You are already in the departure lounge just waiting for your flight to be called”

The above statement was made in jest by my young nephew, Martin J. Moses, in a different context. But it has always served to remind me that there will come a time in our lives when each one of us will have to face the reality that we have indeed entered the “departure lounge” and will be waiting to be called home. How we actually embark on this journey is, at best, unpredictable.



Over my more than 50 years practicing Medicine I have had, as you will expect, the great privilege of meeting and treating a large number of people. Many of these I was able to help, some of them I could not help, and yet there were others who, despite all my efforts, were disappointed at the outcome. But from all of them, on every occasion, the experience has enabled me to learn something useful and to change a little.


Nothing however, has been so life-changing to me and so rewarding, as those times when I shared the emotional and physical changes undergone by some of my patients as they faced and dealt with catastrophic and overwhelming news about themselves or their loved ones. Even after my many years of experience, I was never able to predict how they would choose to spend the remaining portion of their lives as they traveled the final journey, and equally important, to predict the reaction of the caregivers who willingly or otherwise, were called upon to help and participate.

Like the great majority of medical students, no one really took time to teach me the delicate art of caring for death and dying. As a result I became very good at diagnosing and treating my patients’ illnesses, but very uncomfortable when called upon to deal with the end-stages of life. It took multiple encounters, much trial and error, and repeated reference to the works of such pioneers as Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross and Professor Balfour Blount, who have contributed so much to the understanding of this difficult and unpredictable period. Through their work and those of others, we are beginning to understand not only the stages of fear, grief and uncertainty experienced by the patient and family members, but more important, the significant role of the caregiver and family in the facilitation and relief of symptoms.

Even when forewarned, the final diagnosis of a terminal illness is always devastating news, both for patients and their family. Suddenly, the world is turned upside-down and like no other time before, there is need for reliable information and honest, realistic predictions. In the past, both physicians and family were encouraged to with hold the truth from the patient, assuming that doing so will remove the will to “fight”. Now we realize this is misguided and counter productive, since it served only to build a chasm between the patient and the loved ones and prevent any meaningful sharing and reconciliation.

In 2000, the Public Broadcasting System produced a 4-part series entitled “On our Own Terms” narrated by Bill Moyers, the accomplished and acclaimed journalist. It dealt in great detail with the emotional, spiritual and economic turmoil associated with terminal illness and explored the various movements towards improving the attitude to, and the care of the terminal patient. It examined, through interviews, the intimate experiences of patients, family, spiritual advisers and caregivers as they struggled through the turmoil of dealing with terminal disease. It examined in great detail the concepts of palliative care, hospice, home care and other end-of-life choices including physician-assisted suicide. It dealt with the legal and other barriers existing as well as the attempts to introduce the relevant changes. But above all, it reminded us of our need to find a balance between “Heroic treatment and Humane care”, as well as between “Dying, and Dying with Dignity.” It is a series well worth seeing over and over!

In the end, every one of us will be making that final journey and therefore it is incumbent upon each one of us to initiate our preparations. There is nothing wrong in expressing your wishes such as creating an advanced directive, securing a last will and testament, or recording specific instructions to special people. I try to use every opportunity to encourage my family, friends and patients to initiate general discussions on the subject as early and as often as possible. For it is only by talking, or better still, recording your ideas and your wishes as well as your hopes and dreams, can your family be guided in the correct direction and be provided with a sense of peace and comfort. We make a serious mistake by only beginning to think about this after we have received the final information. It should really be started and continued as early as possible and discussions maintained at regular periods.

Some of the best moments I have witnessed in my personal life and professional career have occurred with those people who have succeeded in coming to terms with themselves, their dying and their relationship with God, and have willingly surrendered. These people, instead of experiencing the intense feelings of anger, fear, regret and all the other feelings associated with loss and uncertainty, are able to spend the time available in resolving conflicts, cementing relationships and leaving a legacy of peace and love. Not only is the day to day trauma which is felt by the family and caregiver reduced, but the subsequent period of loss and mourning is significantly improved and above all, the deceased are left with a lasting memory more pleasant and more worthy of them and there life’s work.

…..This after all, is the best legacy they can leave behind, as they board their final flight home!

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The day which we fear as our last;

, but the birthday of eternity.

…….Seneca

At the end of life we will not be judged by

how many diplomas we have received,

or how much money we have made,

or how many great things we have done.

We will be judged by:

"I was hungry, and you gave me something to eat,

I was naked and you clothed me.

I was homeless, and you took me in."

……Mother Teresa of Calcutta

God pours life into death and Death into life,

without a drop being spilled.

…….Author Unknown

Watching a peaceful death of a human being reminds us of a falling star;

One of a million lights in a vast sky that flares up for a brief moment,

only to disappear into the endless night forever.

……..Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

We cannot banish dangers, but we can banish fears.

We must not demean life by standing in awe of death.

…….David Sarnoff

Let children walk with Nature,

Let them see the beautiful blendings

and communions of death and life,

their joyous inseparable unity,

as taught in woods and meadows,

plains and mountains and streams of our blessed star,

and they will learn that death is stingless indeed,

.......and as beautiful as life.

……John Muir

THE OLD LADY AND ANA-Luke 6:35:38 (Judging People)

Editor’s Note: This is the sixteenth in a series of short stories dealing with my personal interpretation of selected verses from the Holy Bible offered under the title “The Old Lady and Ana”.

16. THE OLD LADY AND ANA Luke 6:35-38 (Judging People) Ana sat next to her father as they listened to Uncle Joe, her father’s first cousin, continuing his usual comments about his lazy and useless brothers who prefer to sponge on him rather than do an honest day’s work. Every Sunday morning Uncle Joe has a habit of stopping over after attending church to have coffee and complain to her father about everybody and everything. After he left, Ana approached her grandmother and with some hesitancy asked her: “Gramma, why is Uncle Joe always so angry and is always judging everybody so much. It looks as if nobody is good enough for him?” The old lady who was sitting at the table, obviously pleased by her grand daughter’s insight, held her hand and guided her to sit next to her. Opening her bible to the Gospel according to Luke, she searched out chapter 6, verses 35 – 38, and then addressed her: “My dear Ana, I am sorry to say that you are very right. Uncle Joe has a bad habit of judging everybody and it sounds as if he is angry all the time. Although he means well, I have often quarreled with him and reminded him that this is not what the Lord expects from us. In fact he taught us the very opposite. Listen to this":

Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.

Do not judge, and you will not be judged.

Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned.

“You see Ana, Jesus was quite clear in his advice to us. He left no doubt about what God expects from us with regard to being merciful, or not judging others, or not condemning others. He was referring to all those people who are always finding fault in others as they go around thinking “I am right and they are wrong”. I am thinking of a few people, who are devout and sincere Christians who nevertheless are very strict, judgmental and critical of others. Despite their good intentions, they are wrong and God will treat them accordingly. How we should treat others is the very basis of the message Jesus brought to us. If you recall, Jesus deliberately associated with “losers” and social outcasts like paupers, lepers, prostitutes, tax-collectors and others who were broken and sinful. He did not judge not did he condemn, he loved everyone and expected us, as his followers, to do the same". Ana listening intently, nodded her head to indicate that she understood and agreed with her grand mother, and taking a deep breath she asked: “What should we be saying to people like Uncle Joe to get them to understand what God wants them to do?” The old lady sat back on the chair with her eyes closed, in deep thought for a short while and them looked at Ana and answered:

“We can do no better than to remind them of the advice and the promise Jesus himself gave. Let me read them for you in verses 37 and 38":

Forgive, and you will be forgiven.

Give, and it will be given to you.

A good measure, pressed down,

shaken together and running over,

will be poured into your lap.

For with the measure you use,

it will be measured to you.”

“You see Ana, Jesus could not be clearer. We are all sinners and wrong doers and unless we forgive others how could you be forgiven. He even went further to confirm that when you give your reward will be measured back to you running over and overflowing. So we can only pray that good people like your Uncle Joe and my friends will one day wake up to their mistake and begin to heed the words Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior.” Ana got up from her chair and thanking her Grandmother, said as she walked away: "I will be praying for all those people to begin to listen and understand what Jesus really said.”

THE OLD LADY AND ANA-Matthew 6:5-15 (the Perfect Prayer)

Editor’s Note: This is the thirteenth in a series of short stories dealing with my personal interpretation of selected verses from the Holy Bible offered under the title, “The Old Lady and Ana”.

13 THE OLD LADY AND ANA Matthew 6: 5-15 (THE PERFECT PRAYER) Little Ana was perplexed as she sought out her grand mother after returning from her day at school. She could not understand why her teacher, Miss Linda, said that we should always pray the Lord’s Prayer as often as possible even if we don’t use any other prayer. Sliding next to her grand mother on the couch, Ana turned to her and earnestly asked:

“Gramma, is the Lord’s Prayer your favorite prayer?”

The old lady smiled knowingly and as she picked up her trusted bible. She recalled an incident many years ago when as a child not much older than Ana, she addressed a similar question to her aunt, Sister Mary, a nun who was visiting the family at the time. She vividly recalled asking her aunt what was her favorite prayer and her reply was that she always chooses the one prayer that Jesus himself taught us. Sister Mary then proceeded to explain the meaning of the Lord’s Prayer and even referred several times to the bible for confirmation. ...And now after so many years have passed, she has been given the opportunity to pass on this information to a new generation. She turned to Ana and in a voice overflowing with confidence answered that her teacher was absolutely correct in stating that this was indeed the prayer given to us by Jesus when he taught us how to pray. Opening the bible to Matthew 6: 5-15, she looked at Ana then began to read these holy words:

"And when you pray, you shall not be like the hypocrites.

For they love to pray standing in the synagogues

and on the corners of the streets,

that they may be seen by men.

Assuredly, I say to you, they have their reward.

But you, when you pray, go into your room,

and when you have shut your door,

pray to your Father who is in the secret place;

and your Father who sees in secret will reward you openly.

And when you pray, do not use vain repetitions as the heathen do.

For they think that they will be heard for their many words. Therefore do not be like them.

For your Father knows the things you have need of before you.

The old lady waited for a moment, then holding Ana's hands, she said:

“You see Ana, even before he gave us the prayer, he took time to teach us how and why we should pray to God, and also what we should not do. You notice he stressed that your prayer should be a private encounter between you and your Father in Heaven. He cautioned against being like the public hypocrite who wants to show-off, and the insincere manipulator, who hopes to gain notice by repeating the words over and over without meaning it. Remember also, since God knows all things, he knows what is in your heart, so it is not what you say that matters as much as how you do so”.Ana sat upright, taking in every word her grand mother said and apart from an occasional nod, said nothing. She was beginning to realize that praying is really a conversation with God, a vital way we are given to keep in touch. Also that we must be sure that we do it right so that God will listen to us".

After a short while had passed, the old lady looked at Ana and asked her if she would like to hear the words Jesus had taught us to say. Ana nodded expectantly:

In this manner, therefore, pray:

“Our Father in heaven,Hallowed be your name,your kingdom come.

Your will be done,On earth as it is in heaven.

Give us this day, our daily bread.

And forgive us our debts,

As we forgive our debtors.

And do not lead us into temptation,

But deliver us from the evil one.

For yours is the kingdom and the power,

and the glory forever. Amen.

The old lady closed her eyes and continued to pray silently. She was thanking God for giving her the opportunity to pass on a teaching which she herself had received from her aunt, so many years ago, and hoped that she will be as successful with Ana, as Sister Mary was with her. She then turned to Ana and said:

“This prayer is often called “The Perfect Prayer”. Every line and every word has a meaning and a purpose that has to be understood, otherwise it will become something you just recite without feeling.

The prayer is also unique because it allows you to expand it in relation to your special needs and to really make it personal, between you and the Almighty.

-Notice it begins with a recognition and acknowledgement of God’s authority over all the domains in heaven and on earth. God is the creator and master of all!

-It then deals with asking God to fulfill all the daily needs of our physical and spiritual life,recognizing that God alone has the power to do so. He used the "daily bread" to refer to your whole life and so when you pray you may include anything that affects your life.

-It goes on to deal with a plea for forgiveness for all the wrong things we have done toothers, while at the same time acknowledging that we need God’s help to forgive those people who have wronged us. Without this, we are destined to a life of misery and will never find happiness.

-It then deals with the issue of sinning. Recognizing our own weaknesses, we asks God to help us to avoid falling to temptation, as well as to help us to recover when we fall into sin, for without his help we are doomed to failure.

-It ends by acknowledging as we should all proudly do, over and over, that God is the power and glory forever, and we must never be afraid to proclaim this”.

The old lady paused, took a deep breath, and then hugging her grand daughter with such a loving intensity and deep sense of gratitude as only a grand mother can feel, exclaimed for all to hear:

……. AMEN!

THE OLD LADY AND ANA (Psalm54:1-7-Trust in God)

Editor’s Note: This is the fifteenth in a series of short stories dealing

with my personal interpretation of selected verses from the Holy Bible

offered under the title of “The Old Lady and Ana”.

THE OLD LADY AND ANA

15. PSALM 54:1-7 (Trust in God)

Ana listened intently, as her Uncle Fred related his problems to her father. People were spreading bad rumors about him and as a result his business had suffered badly and he was worried that he might lose it. Yet he was calm and kept saying that he was not worried and had faith that God will provide an answer as he promised in Psalm 62:

“My salvation and my honor depend on God;
He is my mighty rock, my refuge”.

Ana was worried, she knew her uncle was always a kind and faithful person who spent his whole life helping people and never ever said anything bad about anybody. She could not understand why people are so wicked. But she marveled at how calm he was even with all that was going on. She sought out her Grandmother, who she hoped will help her to understand.

“Gramma, can you please explain how Uncle Fred could remain so calm

and confident when so much bad things are happening to him?”

The old lady, sensing an opportunity to teach her grand daughter on the ways of the world beckoned her to come sit next to her and opening her trusted bible said:

“Let us see what God has said about trusting him in times of trouble;”

Then turning to Psalm 54 she began to read slowly and deliberately:

Save me, O God, by Your name,
And vindicate me by Your power.
Hear my prayer, O God;
Give ear to the words of my mouth.
For strangers have risen against me
and violent men have sought my life;

Ana sat up immediately, eyes wide open she held her grandmother’s arm and exclaimed knowingly:

“Gramma, that is exactly what Uncle Fred was saying about wicked people wanting to destroy him!”

The old lady smiled and nodded affirmatively, then continued reading:

They have not set God before them.
Behold, God is my helper;
The Lord is the sustainer of my soul.

The old lady paused a while and then spoke:

“This is what your Uncle Fred was also saying. These people were not concerned about God and that is why he was not worried, for he had faith in the power of God to protect him from them”

Sensing little Ana’s concern, she continued to read from her bible:

He will recompense the evil to my foes;
Destroy them in Your faithfulness.

“You see Ana, his promise was clear. This was how he will reward his faithful. Not only will he make the bad people pay for the evil they have done, but is prepared to destroy them and what they stand for”.

Ana thought for a moment and then looking at her grand mother she remarked:

“Now I understand why Uncle Fred was not looking so worried about his future. He must have a strong faith in God at a time like this, because he keeps thanking and praising God for everything”.

The old lady obviously pleased with the child’s insight, replied:

“You are quite right my child. You must never forget to give praise and thanks to God in all things. So often we ask God for help and then do not pause to thank him. Listen to what the rest of the Psalm says:

Willingly I will sacrifice to You;

I will give thanks to Your name, O LORD, for it is good.
For He has delivered me from all trouble,
And my eye has looked with satisfaction upon my enemies.

“He does not hesitate to give thanks and acknowledgment to God for delivering him from his enemies. But notice the last line even though they were trying to destroy him, he still looked kindly on his enemies, meaning that there was no hate but love for them. This is what Jesus came on earth to teach us. This is what makes a good Christian.”

As the old lady closed her bible, she quietly thanked God for this opportunity to teach her grand daughter his words. Ana stood up, hugging her grand mother as tight as she could, whispered to her:

“Thank God for you and for Uncle Fred and all the good people in the world.”

LIVING WITH FORGIVENESS

“By not forgiving, you only build a high wall between yourself and God.

This prevents his good graces from flowing back to you, and

You become filled with such negative feelings that consumes all of you,

as well as your relationship with everyone else.”

These words were spoken by my cousin Starr Sabga during a discussion on the evils of not forgiving others. In her simple but direct manner, she was able to focus precisely on the true impact of this action on ourselves and our life situation. Like a rotting fruit which is not replaced, it begins to affect everything we do, or think, or believe or expect, causing us to undergo such fundamental changes in our ability to relate with others and more important, with ourselves. We become angry, suspicious and frustrated and quickly begin to mistrust people’s intentions. Before long we even lose sight of the original conflict as we develop an ever widening circle of “enemies” in our lives. In short we become different persons with a different outlooks.

Forgiveness is a virtue, and like Love, is among the most common words used in the Holy Bible, as for that matter, in all of the holy writings of all the religions. There are more than one hundred references to forgiveness in the Bible. Every one of them specifically and unequivocally directs us to forgive our transgressors as we are forgiven our own wrongdoings. In no instance are any conditions specified and in all instances we are expected to willingly and unconditionally forgive others. Without this condition, we cannot be expected, nor are we able to receive forgiveness for ourselves from God or man.

For as long as man has been in existence, the inability or the refusal to provide or accept forgiveness has been the cause of more suffering, turmoil and soul destruction than any other single factor in human relationship. This has been the cause of more animosity and hate among the peoples and nations of the world and has given rise to more conflicts and wars than any other factor in human behavior. The history of the world is replete with examples of unnecessary conflicts and suffering resulting from unwillingness to forgive and even to try to understand other people’s action.

Forgiveness is often described as a Primary Principle in human behavior, a state of resolution which serves to restore and maintain a balance in human response and behavior. It is a quality by which a person ceases to feel further resentment against another for a wrong committed against him. To forgive means to give up, stop resenting or pardon someone for an offense committed, and thereby restore the previous balance and trust that existed. It is impossible, both psychologically and physically, to maintain any form of equilibrium when one remains encumbered by a state of unresolved emotion. It inevitably creates internal forces which tend to induce variations in subsequent behavior with ultimate deterioration in outcome. In the end, irrespective of whether one feels justified or not, everyone loses by its continuation.

The act of forgiving another begins with the forgiving of oneself. It is impossible to forgive others of any transgression if we are not able to deal with our own internal conflicts. People involved in conflict resolution will invariably attest that before any resolution can take place the individuals must be encouraged to undergo their own self evaluation and resolve their conflicts before moving forward. This is not difficult to understand since in the great majority of cases the basic reason for the conflict itself most often results from or is exaggerated by the individual’s preconceived make-up. This gives truth to the statement that “it is not what you do, but what I think you do, that creates the difference”.

It is the very act of granting forgiveness that allows us to grow in confidence and maturity. In fact, if you think about it, it is a lot easier to remain in a negative state withholding forgiveness, blaming the other person or circumstance, than to face up to the reality that you may be responsible, if only in part, for the continuation of the status quo. It is this fundamental resistance to admit our own weakness that encourages us to hold on to resentment and hurt, and reinforces our determination against change.

In my experience over the many years of practice I have seen a development so often following a successful resolution that I am convinced that it is the rule rather than the exception. I refer to the amazing transformation which invariably occurs after a situation is successfully resolved, understanding returned and the parties have genuinely forgiven each other and themselves. The aura of relief and joy is palpable to all and the sense of peace and happiness, overwhelming. The impact is so powerful at times that I am convinced that even the heavens celebrate these moments.

If only people will realize that the act of not forgiving is a disease which inevitably destroys mind and body and that to forgive is healthy, as it is blessed. The relief that results is very intense and very personal. Yet there remain so many people who will not let go, but will continue to travel on that lonely road. They are forever prisoners of their own making even as it destroys them and their relationships. On these occasions I am always reminded of the very brief and poignant quotation, written by renowned American author and theologian Lewis B.Smedes, which speaks so eloquently on the true effect of forgiving to the forgiver:

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free, and discover the prisoner was you”.

But to me, perhaps the best advice anyone could pass on to those people suffering from the pains of “forgivelessness” are the words of the Holy Bible contained in Ephesians 4:31-32:

“Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking

be put away from you together with all malice.

And be kind to one another,

tenderhearted, forgiving one another,

even as God in Christ forgave you”.

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And forgive us our debts,

As we forgive our debtors.

…..Matthew 6: 9

For if you forgive men their trespasses,

your heavenly Father will also forgive you.

But if you do not forgive men their trespasses,

neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

…..Matthew 6:14-15

Forgive us our sins,
for we also forgive everyone who sins against us.

…..Luke 11: 4

When asked by an offender for forgiveness,

one should forgive with a sincere mind and a willing spirit

. . . forgiveness is natural to the seed of Israel.

…..Mishneh Torah

He who Forgives, and is reconciled unto his enemy, shall receive his reward from God.

…….Holy Koran

In the law of karma, we realize that

it is not a matter of seeking revenge

but of practicing forgiveness,

……Buddhist Teaching

Righteousness is the one highest good;

Forgiveness is the one supreme peace;

Knowledge is one supreme contentment;

Benevolence, one sole happiness.

…..Hindu Teaching

When you forgive, you in no way change the past,

but you sure do change the future.

……Bernard Meltzer

The weak can never forgive.

Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.

…….Mohandas Gandhi

Forgive all who have offended you,

not for them, but for yourself.

…….Harriet Nelson

He who cannot forgive breaks the bridge

over which he himself must pass.

……..George Herbert

It takes a strong person to say sorry,

and an ever stronger person to forgive.

…..Author Unknown

Never does the human soul appear so strong as when it foregoes revenge, and dares forgive an injury.

……. H. Chapin

Without forgiveness, life is governed by

an endless cycle of resentment and retaliation.

……..Roberto Assagioli

To forgive is the highest,

most beautiful form of love

…….Robert Muller

To forgive is to set a prisoner free;

and discover that the prisoner was you.

….Lewis B. Smedes

Forgiveness is not an occasional act,
It is a permanent attitude.

……Martin Luther King, Jr,

True forgiveness is when you pardon;

while you have the power to take revenge.

…Author Unknown

"If we really want to love
we must learn how to forgive"

……Mother Teresa

LIFE WITH THE SERENITY PRAYER

LIFE IS FOR THE LIVING

LIFE WITH THE SERENITY PRAYER

“God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
The courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to know the difference.”

My first encounter with this beautiful prayer was in 1962 when as a young physician I attended an Alcoholic Anonymous meeting in preparation for my planned work with alcoholic patients in my community. Adopted by A.A. as an essential prayer at the very beginning of its formation in 1942, it quickly became, and continues to be, deeply engrained in the philosophy of the movement. Since that first encounter I have used the prayer both in my personal and professional life so often that it has become an integral part of my psyche and one of the yardsticks by which I measure my life and my world.

Although its true origin is in some dispute, there is considerable agreement that the prayer in its present form was first written and delivered as part of a sermon by the great American Protestant theologian and social commentator Dr. Reinhold Niebuhr in 1935, and subsequently published in 1941. The story goes that in 1942 Bill W. the founder of A.A., found it attached to a simple obituary in the New York Herald Tribune and was so deeply touched by it that he introduced it in the 12-step program at the next meeting. The response was overwhelming, leading Bill to write;

“Never had we seen so much A.A. in so few words.”

Since then, it has found favor with a large and expanding number of treatment programs mainly based on the principles of self-help and self-understanding that include such categories as drug abuse, personality disorders as well as behavioral and compulsive disorders. More recently it has been incorporated in a variety of programs developed to help the very large and growing numbers of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder victims among soldiers returning from the wars in Iraq, Afghanistan and Viet Nam as they learn to cope with their continuing traumatic experiences.

Apart from The Lord’s Prayer, this prayer is possibly the second most used pray in Christendom and is repeated millions of times, by millions of people the world over, on a daily basis. In my own practice over more than fifty years, I have found it to be a very useful and effective tool, one which I have not hesitated to use in a large cross-section of my patients, often with rewarding results. I have found it to be useful not only in dealing with people suffering from such diverse situations as emotional problems and personality disorders, but I have also found from time to time, it can be very useful in helping the individual cope with serious health problems and crisis situations.

As I see it, this very short and concise prayer made up of only 27 words captures the very essence of the perfect relationship between man and God. Contrary to popular belief, it is not an apology nor is it an admission of weakness or failure. It is in fact a statement of awareness and conviction. While the prayer begins with a conscious acknowledgement of our dependence on God, it accepts the reality that there are certain situations we cannot change, and must therefore accept. On the other hand we are expected to deal with other situations by use of our own initiative and actions. The most important component however is our being able to differentiate between them, for by doing so we are able to achieve a balance in our lives between acceptance and change, leading to a sense of peace, security and confidence; …..A State of Serenity!

In my own life I have found this simple prayer to be one of my most powerful allies in times of uncertainty and stress. On so many occasions when I found myself under great emotional strain, or when I faced situations requiring life changing decisions for myself or with respect to my patients or my family, I inevitably take time to revue the options using the prayer as my guide. Not only does it remind me to determine what cannot be changed and therefore must be accepted, but it allows me to identify what needs changing, allowing the opportunity to direct my efforts appropriately. In this way I can approach dealing with the situation in a more comfortable, focused manner, or if I cannot, I am able to better accept the situation and find alternative solutions. I have no doubt that this single approach has gone a long way to making me a better physician and a better person. Over and over I have found that upon later reflection of situations which did not meet my expectation that I had made decisions without applying the formula adequately. On these occasions I tended to react to my internal negative sentiments of anger, disappointment and revenge rather than choose the path towards understanding and acceptance. I have no doubt that the above statement is by no means unique or unusual or just limited to only a few special people. On the contrary by far the great majority of people can and do relate to its message.

The Serenity Prayer has been described by an author whose name I do not recall, as a wide door that is open to people of all faiths and backgrounds. I agree with this, and will not hesitate to add that it is above all others, the most basic and most fundamental component which, in combination with love and respect, are the ingredients that ensure world peace and happiness. Sadly however these seem to be missing in this present world so badly torn up with hate, suspicion, distrust, anger and shame.

Is it any wonder therefore that nowadays the only news that fills our newspapers or we hear and see in broadcasts deal with hate and killings and revolutions and wars and the words peace and respect do not seem to exist any more.

…….. Perhaps our leaders the world over, might become better leaders if they too took heed of the Serenity Prayer.