A VIEW OF TALK AND LIFE

“You talk when you cease to be at peace with your thoughts;

And when you can no longer dwell in the solitude of your heart,
You will live in your lips, and sound is a diversion and a pastime.”

These words were written by the great Lebanese-born poet and philosopher, Khalil Gibran, in his universally recognized masterpiece, The Prophet. They have always impressed me as one of the most effective and appropriate description of the role of talk in human living.
From time to time, I find myself returning to ponder and meditate upon them in an attempt to identify where exactly I fall in the scheme and how others compare. In the chapter dealing with “Talk,” Gibran went on to describe the many ways man may use talk as an expression of himself and his underlying personality. He spoke of those who chose to be with the talkative, to escape their own insecurities and fear of loneliness, and of others, who deliberately become talkative to conceal their own ignorance and emptiness. And there are those who actually speak the truth without even knowing or understanding it, and yet again there are others who have the truth within them, but who suffer because they cannot find the right words to express it. He concluded that talk was the true window through which, and by which, we view the rest of the world and most importantly, how, consciously or unconsciously,
we all make use of talk as a window into our innermost selves. He expressed this thought most beautifully in the following comment:

“When you meet your friend on the roadside or in the market place,
Let the spirit in you move your lips and direct your tongue.

Let the voice within your voice speak to the ear of his ear.”

From time immemorial, the art of successful speech has been the single most effective way man has used to influence others, institute change and generally draw attention. Throughout history every great leader succeeded in controlling the masses and reinforcing his image as their leader by the effective use of talk. The great Roman Emperor Julius Caesar gained much of his popularity with the masses as a result of his commanding speaking ability. Who will ever forget the great speeches of Winston Churchill and Adolf Hitler whose resounding orations served to rally the citizens of their separate countries against one another during World War II. In the United States, as in every other countries, great leaders are remembered more for the famous speeches they made than the changes they caused. Leaders like Abraham Lincoln, Franklin Delano Roosevelt, Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr., and John F. Kennedy are but a few of many, who are fondly remembered more for their oratorical abilities than for the content of their speeches.
Even at the individual level, it is far easier, and certainly much more effective, to initiate and maintain a relationship in the presence of a good verbal exchange. The ability to successfully communicate immediately induces a feeling of confidence and allays anxiety so that the recipient is rendered more accessible and much more willing to conform. No one can ever forget the actions of a good salesman as he works to convince the buyer to acquire a product. His success is not based on the content of what he says, but rather on the degree of confidence and empathy he projects. His ability is not in the words he uses, but on the way he uses the words. He is indeed a master of Talk.
But we do not all have to be master salesmen to lead successful lives. What we do need to recognize is the fact that, except for the accomplished confidence trickster, we are all, in one way or another, a reflection of what we think or say. We are in fact conditioned to feel and think and act by responding to a series of words. Whether these words come in the form of a request, a command, a reaction or a rejection, we respond instinctively. We are undoubtedly subject to the influence of Talk.
Since we are all a reflection of what we say and how we say it, it behooves us all to remember that the only way we can ensure acceptance and avoid rejection is by remaining true to ourselves and avoiding the easy road of choosing to say what you think they wanted to hear, than the more correct truth. In this context, I am reminded of the famous quotation by Duke University’s very successful Basket ball coach Mike Krzyzewski on truth in talk:

I have a rule on my team:
When we talk to one another,
we look each other right in the eye,
because I think it's tough to lie to somebody.

You give respect to somebody.