ON BEING A MOTHER

Editor's Note:

The following story was forwarded to me by my neice. It has so impressed

me with its relevance and its urgency that I felt compelled to pass it on

to every one about whom I care. The author is unknown, but its content

relates to all of us, and its message is directed to each of us, personally.

After 17 years of marriage, my wife wanted me to take another woman out to dinner and a movie. She said, 'I love you, but I know this other woman loves you and would love to spend some time with you.'
The other woman that my wife wanted me to visit was my MOTHER, who has been alone for 20 years, but the demands of my work and my two boys had made it possible to visit her only occasionally.
That night I called to invite her to go out for dinner and a movie. 'What's wrong, aren't you well?' she asked; My mother is the type of woman who suspects that a late night call or a surprise invitation is a sign of bad news. 'I thought it would be pleasant to spend some time with you,' I responded, 'Just the two of us.'She thought about it for a moment, and then said, 'I would like that very much.'
That Friday after work, as I drove over to pick her up I was a bit nervous. When I arrived at her house, I noticed that she, too, seemed to be nervous about our date. She waited in the door. She had curled her hair and was wearing the dress that she had worn to celebrate her last birthday on November 19th.
She smiled with a face that was as radiant as an angel's. 'I told my friends that I was going to go out with my son, and they were impressed,' she said, as she got into my new white van. 'They can't wait to hear about our date'.
We went to a restaurant that, although not elegant, was very nice and cozy. My mother took my arm as if she were the First Lady. After we sat down, I had to read the menu. Her eyes could only read large print. Half way through the entries, I lifted my eyes and saw Mom sitting there staring at me. A nostalgic smile was on her lips. 'It was I who used to have to read the menu when you were small,' she said. 'Then it's time that you relax and let me return the favor,' I responded.
During the dinner, we had an agreeable conversation, nothing extraordinary, but catching up on events of each other's life. We talked so much that we missed the movie, but neither of us cared.
As we arrived at her house later, she said, 'I'll go out with you again, but only if you let me invite you.' I agreed willingly and hoped it would be soon.
'How was your dinner date?' asked my wife when I got home. 'Very nice, I answered, much more so than I could ever have imagined and I have you to thank for this.'


A few days later, my mother died of a massive heart attack. It happened so suddenly that I didn't have a chance to do anything for her.

Some time later, I received an envelope with a copy of a restaurant receipt from the same place mother and I had dined. An attached note said: 'I paid this bill in advance. I wasn't sure that I could be there; but nevertheless, I paid for two plates - one for you and the other for your wife. You will never know what that night meant for me. I love you, son.'
At that moment, I understood the importance of always saying; 'I LOVE YOU' and of giving our loved ones the time that they deserve and they need. Nothing in life is more important than your family. Give them the time they deserve.
These things must never be put off till 'some other time',
.....for that time may never come.

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Somebody said it takes about six weeks to get back to normal

after you've had a baby.
Somebody doesn't know that once you're a mother,

'normal' is history.

Somebody said you learn how to be a mother by instinct
Somebody never took a three-year-old shopping.

Somebody said being a mother is boring.

Somebody never rode in a car driven by a teenager
with a driver's permit.

Somebody said if you're a 'good' mother,

your child will 'turn out good'.

Somebody thinks a child comes with directions and a guarantee.

Somebody said you don't need an education to be a mother
Somebody never helped a fourth grader with his math.

Somebody said you can't love the second child

as much as you love the first.
Somebody doesn't have two children.

Somebody said the hardest part of being a mother is labor and delivery.

Somebody never watched her 'baby' get on the bus for the first day of kindergarten,

or on a plane headed for military 'boot camp.

'Somebody said a mother can stop worrying after herchild gets married.
Somebody doesn't know that marriage adds a new son or daughter-in-law
to the mother's heartstrings.

Somebody said a mother's job is done when her last child leaves home.

Somebody never had grandchildren.

Somebody said your mother knows you love her,
so you don't need to tell her.

Somebody isn't a mother.

…..Author Unknown

LIFE WITH TODAY'S MOTHER

As children we would often ask our late mother, which of the seven of us is her favorite one?
She would invariably answer by reciting this old Arab proverb:

“My favorite child is:
The baby, until he grows up;
The one who is sick, until he gets better;
The one who is away, until he comes home;
The one who is worried, until he stops worrying;
And then, all my children, for as long as I live.”

Historically, a good mother was expected to devote her whole life to her family. She was the glue that held the family together, that provided loving and supporting care, and ensured the stable and consistent environment needed by the growing child. Above all else, the nurturing provided by a mother plays a vital and irreplaceable role in the growth and development of a child. She was the care-giver, the nurse, the provider, the teacher, the advisor and the protector wrapped up in a single package. She felt obligated to care for the family and put their needs before all else, willingly setting aside personal aspirations, however urgent, without hesitation. Her role was beautifully described by the following quotation taken from the pages of the Godey’s Lady’s Book, 1867, a popular 19th century publication, with which we can all identify:

"About every true mother there is a sanctity of martyrdom

-and when she is no more in the body,

her children see her with the ring of light around her head."

Over the last several decades women's roles have changed significantly and as a result certain facts related to the priority of these roles have also changed. This includes society's present vision of a woman as a multifaceted creature; one that should be able to manage professional and personal aspirations with equal success and finesse as her maternal responsibilities. In our current society many problems arise from the complex roles of the new mother, and traditional beliefs are being tested as never before. With the increasing role of the mother as a second breadwinner, the increasing breakdown of the conventional family unit, and the rising tendency to single parent household, it is becoming extremely difficult for mothers to provide everything a child needs to ensure optimum growth. Not only must they provide the care and support a child needs but they must also provide enough income for the family to live on. Even with the best intentions and increased effort this situation frequently leads to problems within the family, some of which could have a negative effect on the children and compromise growth.
It takes learning and practice to become a qualified mother. It is not an easy job because future mothers must learn by example and experience as they go. It is much better if they were raised in a caring home by a caring parent fully committed to pass it on to the child. Unfortunately in today’s setting with her increased demands, the mother is not able to spend the time and attention to the children. The result is that she is not able to truly pass on the “old fashioned” maternal skills in the way that her mother was able to do. This has led to succeeding generations of young women with less of the skills of their predecessors and less inclination to follow their examples. When this is added to the increasing demand for self sufficiency and work opportunity, it is not difficult to visualize the changing image of modern motherhood, with increasing use of adjunct help like nurseries, pre-school and babysitters to augment the mother’s role.
I make no excuse in lamenting the progressive demise of the full time, stay-at-home mother with all the irreplaceable advantages it carries for the successful care, support and growth of the family. Equally, I do not deny that even in this modern day of the multifaceted mother, there are many instances of exceptional work done by many mothers whose children have become wonderful examples of caring mothers. The difference is that it is so much more difficult to ensure optimum results with the latter’s approach.
In the end, no one will deny the unique and special place held by the mother in every society and in every family unit, one that must never be compromised for any reason or excuse whatsoever. I can do no better than to repeat the words of Washington Irving, the great 19th century American author and historian, in his own sensitive and special way describing his view of a Mother:

“A Mother is the truest friend we have.
When trials, heavy and sudden, fall upon us,
When adversity takes the place of prosperity,
When friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine
But desert us when troubles thicken around us,
Still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts
and counsels, to dissipate the clouds of darkness,
and cause peace to return to our hearts.”


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The hand that rocks the cradle;

is the hand that rules the world.

…….W. R. Wallace

God could not be everywhere,

and therefore he made mothers.

……Rudyard Kipling

All that I am or ever hope to be,

I owe to my Angel Mother.

………Abraham Lincoln

No gift to your Mother can ever equal her gift to you;

- - - Life

……..Author Unknown

Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of all little children

……..William Makepeace Thakeray

If I had a single flower for every time

I think about my Mother,

I could walk forever in my garden.

……..Claudia Gandhi