LIFE IS IN THE LIVING (3) The Seven Golden Rules

“We can live only in the present. We cannot live in the past,
since the past is always gone. The future has not yet come.
The present alone is given for us on a silver plate,
to act in, and to enjoy. How big is the present?
The present is a thin line where the past meets the future.”

I recently came across the above quotation by the well respected Hindu philosopher, Dr. Krishna Sadananda dealing with his views on living. In my opinion it encapsulates in a few lines, the fundamental meaning of life and of living.
Over the years a great deal of thought has been given, and much has been written about this most important topic and although there is wide variation in the details, there is almost universal agreement on their importance and anticipation. Despite this, people the world over, have continued to search for their individual answers and develop their own, personal solutions.
In fact a search of the internet will reveal thousands and thousands of publications and references, each reflecting the personal views of the particular author.
In this context, one of the most popular and extremely widely distributed publications is a list of quotations entitled The Seven Golden Rules of Life. Its origin or authors have never been definitively identified, but its content is a rich collection of wise and insightful advice worthy of serious consideration by all.
They have always attracted my attention and encouraged me to seek out a meaning for each one as they relate to my own life situation. The following comments are strictly my own personal interpretations and are offered with the hope that you may be encouraged to search out you own positions. I am sure you will find the exercise most rewarding.


RULE ONE: RELATIONSHIPS

Don’t let someone become a priority in your life,
When you are just an option in their life;
Relationships work best when they are balanced.

True, meaningful relationships are the foundation of a rich and rewarding life. As human beings our lives are based on a continuous interaction with others. In our day-to-day life we are constantly relating with others, whether this be in the school, work-place, social environment or at home. The great majority of these encounters are generally superficial, serve to satisfy an immediate need or situation and then quickly fade from memory or consciousness upon completion, without any lasting effect. These are the tools of daily living that we all must acquire and implement in order to continue living.
But in addition to this, we all need and search out people with whom we can develop deeper and more meaningful relationships that are based on trust, tolerance, acceptance and mutual respect. Without this, our lives will be robbed of the fulfillment and richness that only comes from a relationship where honesty, respect and understanding can provide a quality that rises above all other encounters.
However, the term “meaningful relationship” is very subjective and obviously is interpreted differently by different individuals, and will vary from time to time, depending on such variables as age, circumstances and state of mind. But whatever the prevailing conditions, the one constant factor which determines the depth and strength of any such relationship is the bond which holds the relationship together. If this bond is lopsided, if it is based on anything but a full and equal interaction it will neither grow nor even survive.
Such a relationship, to become truly successful, must indeed be complete and balanced, where each party contributes to their fullest and where the sum total of the contributions adds up to 100%. It certainly does require “equal” participation, but rather "total" participation. Under these circumstances the quality of this relationship is as rewarding as it is lasting.

........It gives joy to life and reason for living!



RULE TWO: KNOW YOURSELF

Never explain yourself to anyone.
Because the person who likes you doesn’t need it,
and the person who dislikes you won’t believe it.

This rule relates specifically to the need for you to know yourself, to know who you are, and to avoid the temptation to measure yourself with other people’s yardsticks.
Much has been written and spoken about this rule and there are volumes of confusing opinions expressed as to its real meaning. Some opinions see this as a matter of power and control where, by explaining yourself, you risk loss of control and hand authority over you to another party. Yet others have suggested that any attempt to explain your action implies a subconscious feeling of uncertainty and inferiority and a desire for positive feedback at all cost.
I do not believe either of these explanations is correct. My personal view is more fundamental and not as complicated. I do not believe that I need to prove anything to any one but myself, to endorse this rule. As I see it, it is a statement of fact which does not need an explanation. Those people who know and like me, will already have sought out the needed information about me and will have formed a favorable opinion and a level of trust. On the other hand, for those who, for whatever reason, have an unfavorable opinion, no amount of explanation will be necessarily persuasive.
In the end therefore, you are ultimately answerable to yourself alone, and you ought to be guided solely by this principle in all things.

William Shakespeare brilliantly described this principle thus:

“Above all, to your own self be true,
and it must follow as the night, the day,
You cannot then be false to any man.”

RULE THREE: EXCUSES

When you keep saying you are too busy,
-then you are never free.
When you keep saying you have no time,
-then you will never have time.
When you keep saying that you will do it tomorrow,

-then tomorrow will never come

One of the major failings of human behavior is the problem of procrastination. It seems that, unlike any other member of the animal kingdom, we are endowed with this tendency to make excuses from birth and that throughout our lifetime we spend more time and effort in the art of avoiding or postponing actions, often at our ultimate disadvantage.
As I see it, our use of excuses is related to our reluctance to accept responsibility for our actions, or more precisely, our reluctance to accept the failures that can result from our actions. The problem is that as we continue to make excuses we begin to believe them and pretty soon they become self fulfilling prophesies. When we believe we are too busy, then clearly we will never be free to find ourselves. And if we think there is no time available then we will never find the time to explore our opportunities. When we are convinced there is no tomorrow, then it does not make sense to plan for the future.
We have to realize that excuses, however they appear, will negate responsibility and encourage procrastination. By recognizing and refusing to make excuses and accepting responsibility for all our actions we inevitably reap the rewards of success, whether this be personal self-respect, or trust and acceptance by others, or confidence to move forward.

.....This indeed, is the fundamental difference between success and failure!
Dr. Benjamin Franklin, a leading American author, inventor, politician and statesman, one of the Founding Fathers of the United States of America, effectively summarized this outcome in the following manner:

“He that is good for making excuses,
is seldom good for anything else.”

RULE FOUR: CHOICES

When we wake up in the morning,
we have two simple choices;
Go back to sleep and dream on, or
Wake up and chase your dreams.

Life’s greatest gift, and the single most important difference between Human Beings and the rest of the Animal Kingdom, is the freedom of choice. The ability to choose a specific course of action from a set of alternatives is as much a blessing as it is a curse. Unlike the animal whose choice is strictly limited to the demands for its survival, we have been granted the wonderful opportunity of achieving goals based far beyond immediate gratification, that permit us to plan into the future.
But this gift of choice does not automatically guarantee happiness or success, and certainly does not ensure any benefits for the individual. These will only come when we exercise the right options and make the right decisions. This freedom to choose is the fundamental soul of life and the creative force for living.
The gift comes with individual responsibility which requires us to exercise and act. If we do nothing, we get back nothing in return. If on the other hand we accept the responsibility then each choice will make life more convenient and will lead on to further choices. This is, in the most basic sense, is the true meaning of life.

..........We are indeed the product of our choices!




RULE FIVE: CARING ABOUT OTHERS

We make them cry, who care for us.
We cry for those, who never care for us.
And we care for those, who will never cry for us.
…..This is the truth of life, strange but true.
Once you realize this, it’s never too late to change.

One of the unfortunate failings of the human mind is the unpredictable response to emotional situations. By and large our reaction is more often than not, to respond impulsively without giving due regard to the circumstances. This clearly leads to inappropriate responses and the opportunity for potential exploitation.
The irony of this truth is that we are all fully aware of its existence and we rarely ever make any effort to correct the situation. This leads to confusing outcomes of favoring those who have no care for us and ignoring the good of those who truly care for us. This paradox of behavior is related to a large extent, to the influence of our upbringing which is directed to “caring for others” under all circumstances.
In the end, we have to recognize that this is indeed a fact of life. We will do well to bear this in mind and to make every effort to identify those who really care for us and give them the recognition they deserve, even as we continue to care for all others, friends or foe, alike.

RULE SIX: CHOOSING TO ACT

Don't make promise when you are in joy.

Don't reply when you are sad.
Don't take decision when you are angry.

Think twice, act twice.

One of the major shortcomings of many of us is the constant inconsistency of our responses. In our haste to please others, or our urge to secure ourselves and retain good feelings we tend to make decisions without regard to prevailing conditions, only to regret it later.
It makes good sense to avoid responding or reacting decisively whenever we are under the influence of any kind of emotional state since our decision is likely to be more impulsive than reasonable.
We run the risk of regretting later, a decision which is spoken in haste at an inappropriate time. Hence the advice to think twice before acting is so important. By doing so we avoid a great deal of unnecessary pain!
Bob Dylan, one of the foremost exponents of American folk music, summarized this problem in the following words:

“People seldom do what they believe in.

-They do what is convenient, and then regret.”



RULE SEVEN: LIVE YOUR LIFE

Time is like a river.
You cannot touch the same water twice,
since the flow that has passed, will never pass again.
….Enjoy every moment of your life!

For as long as I can recall I have been taught the concept that time is like a flowing river whose waters, once passed will never pass again. I have also been taught that human life can also be likened to a flowing river and as the great English physicist Stephen Hawkings described; “ on which it seems that each of us are carried relentlessly by its current.”

-Time is indeed the master of life!
To me the message is as loud as it is clear. As our life, like time, flows relentlessly forward, it is incumbent on us to make use of every opportunity to seek enrichment and satisfaction in our lives and our environment. So often we overlook opportunities or avoid challenges, or ignore chances for so many foolish and illogical excuses, when in fact, had we moved appropriately, our rewards would have been meaningful. Rather than measuring our success by a series of disjointed, accidental incidents, it would be so much better if we remain aware and alert to the opportunities that come along the flowing waters of Time, than embark on the frustrating act of following them after they have passed on.

-This is indeed the fundamental difference between success and failure.
Leonardo da Vinci, the great Italian painter and philosopher was truly insightful when he observed that:

“Time stays long enough,
for anyone who will use it.”