LIFE WITH TODAY'S MOTHER

As children we would often ask our late mother, which of the seven of us is her favorite one?
She would invariably answer by reciting this old Arab proverb:

“My favorite child is:
The baby, until he grows up;
The one who is sick, until he gets better;
The one who is away, until he comes home;
The one who is worried, until he stops worrying;
And then, all my children, for as long as I live.”

Historically, a good mother was expected to devote her whole life to her family. She was the glue that held the family together, that provided loving and supporting care, and ensured the stable and consistent environment needed by the growing child. Above all else, the nurturing provided by a mother plays a vital and irreplaceable role in the growth and development of a child. She was the care-giver, the nurse, the provider, the teacher, the advisor and the protector wrapped up in a single package. She felt obligated to care for the family and put their needs before all else, willingly setting aside personal aspirations, however urgent, without hesitation. Her role was beautifully described by the following quotation taken from the pages of the Godey’s Lady’s Book, 1867, a popular 19th century publication, with which we can all identify:

"About every true mother there is a sanctity of martyrdom

-and when she is no more in the body,

her children see her with the ring of light around her head."

Over the last several decades women's roles have changed significantly and as a result certain facts related to the priority of these roles have also changed. This includes society's present vision of a woman as a multifaceted creature; one that should be able to manage professional and personal aspirations with equal success and finesse as her maternal responsibilities. In our current society many problems arise from the complex roles of the new mother, and traditional beliefs are being tested as never before. With the increasing role of the mother as a second breadwinner, the increasing breakdown of the conventional family unit, and the rising tendency to single parent household, it is becoming extremely difficult for mothers to provide everything a child needs to ensure optimum growth. Not only must they provide the care and support a child needs but they must also provide enough income for the family to live on. Even with the best intentions and increased effort this situation frequently leads to problems within the family, some of which could have a negative effect on the children and compromise growth.
It takes learning and practice to become a qualified mother. It is not an easy job because future mothers must learn by example and experience as they go. It is much better if they were raised in a caring home by a caring parent fully committed to pass it on to the child. Unfortunately in today’s setting with her increased demands, the mother is not able to spend the time and attention to the children. The result is that she is not able to truly pass on the “old fashioned” maternal skills in the way that her mother was able to do. This has led to succeeding generations of young women with less of the skills of their predecessors and less inclination to follow their examples. When this is added to the increasing demand for self sufficiency and work opportunity, it is not difficult to visualize the changing image of modern motherhood, with increasing use of adjunct help like nurseries, pre-school and babysitters to augment the mother’s role.
I make no excuse in lamenting the progressive demise of the full time, stay-at-home mother with all the irreplaceable advantages it carries for the successful care, support and growth of the family. Equally, I do not deny that even in this modern day of the multifaceted mother, there are many instances of exceptional work done by many mothers whose children have become wonderful examples of caring mothers. The difference is that it is so much more difficult to ensure optimum results with the latter’s approach.
In the end, no one will deny the unique and special place held by the mother in every society and in every family unit, one that must never be compromised for any reason or excuse whatsoever. I can do no better than to repeat the words of Washington Irving, the great 19th century American author and historian, in his own sensitive and special way describing his view of a Mother:

“A Mother is the truest friend we have.
When trials, heavy and sudden, fall upon us,
When adversity takes the place of prosperity,
When friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine
But desert us when troubles thicken around us,
Still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts
and counsels, to dissipate the clouds of darkness,
and cause peace to return to our hearts.”


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The hand that rocks the cradle;

is the hand that rules the world.

…….W. R. Wallace

God could not be everywhere,

and therefore he made mothers.

……Rudyard Kipling

All that I am or ever hope to be,

I owe to my Angel Mother.

………Abraham Lincoln

No gift to your Mother can ever equal her gift to you;

- - - Life

……..Author Unknown

Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of all little children

……..William Makepeace Thakeray

If I had a single flower for every time

I think about my Mother,

I could walk forever in my garden.

……..Claudia Gandhi

LIVING WITH DEATH AND DYING

“Everybody is born with an expiry date.”

This statement was made many years ago by a friend Carlito Alexander, now deceased, after he was diagnosed with cancer of the Lung. It has forever impressed me by its profound simplicity and truth. In just a few simple words he succeeded to confirm a fact that appears to be increasingly questioned and challenged by the modern world.
Since the beginning of time, the status of death and dying has held a predominant position in man’s thinking. In primitive societies, where religion and culture were closely inter- related, death was tied to life in a cyclical way. Death, like the seasonal and agricultural cycles, was necessary in order to lead to rebirth or resurrection in one form or another. Primitive rituals reflected this belief universally, as people accepted the inevitability of death as part of the cycle of human life.
The Native Americans for example, view life and death as parts of a circular movement, wherein the process merely represents a transformation and not finality, and after death the spirit continues to live on. Buddhists always celebrate death. For even though dying means losing someone close in this world, they believe that only through death, can they be one step closer to Nirvana, the perfect state of mind.
In Western cultures, the attitudes of Society towards death have been changing over time. As the main influencer, Society has a huge impact on people’s perception of death. So also is the influence of the various religious groups, which both affects and determines people’s attitudes within the dominant culture. Fear of the unknown has always been one of the most common factors in our approach towards death, giving rise to profound anxiety. However, Christians are taught to view death as not to be denied or feared, but as something precious and even welcomed, for the blessings it brings with the promise of eternal life.
Unlike the past generations, the attitude towards death is being greatly modified with the increasing impact of the medical and scientific advances in diagnosis and treatment. As a consequence, the world seems to be losing the sense of death being an inevitable consequence of living. More and more, death is being regarded as something that should not happen, and should not be allowed to happen. As a result we find ourselves demanding and expecting everything be done, at all cost, to keep life going, without regard to the resulting quality or certainty of the life. In some ways these days, death is regarded as taboo and it is considered impolite to speak of its reality and its inevitability.
This situation is compounded by the increasing trend towards the widespread exposure of death in the media to children at a very early age. This has the effect of removing the “aura of the unknown”, and has led to the development of a variety of conflicting attitudes towards life and death, leading to confusing and unrealistic interpretations and expectations. The result is an increasing difficulty of acceptance and accommodation.
In the end, we must recognize that each person has his or her own view of death and attitude towards it. Although much of this is based on the prevailing society’s attitudes and beliefs, each one has to deal with the loss in one’s own way. Clearly a sudden unexpected loss, or the death of a younger person carries a greater impact than the older or terminally ill person. Children are generally much more accepting because they do not understand the meaning of finality and expect the loss to be corrected in some way. But in the end, there is no easy position except the fact is that death is as certain and inevitable as any other cycle of nature.
For my own self, as a practicing Physician for more than 50 years, having encountered and dealt with a wide range of attitudes, responses and reactions to the anticipation and reality of death of my patients and their families, I still find it difficult to predict or influence other people’s attitudes. To me death is merely a stop on the journey of life. More important is the quality of life you lead. For I firmly believe that a person who has lived a full and fulfilling life has no reason to fear death. There is a purpose, as I have stated previously in describing my concept of "life" and contained in the following statement:
“To me, life is not a random series of transient, overlapping, unrelated

experiences, destined to be consigned to oblivion upon completion.
I believe instead, life is a precious expression of a greater plan in which
our time spent on earth is but a short segment of a journey
which began in eternity and will continue to eternity”.

I believe that part of our living must of necessity involve our preparation for dying. In our early years while we are consumed with life, vitality and achieving our dreams this will occupy a very minor portion, but as we grow older we should avoid the natural urge to ignore this likelihood. I am always bothered by those who avoid or are afraid to deal with the subject or spend all their time and effort trying to ”beat it”. By doing this, you end up cheating yourself of the reality and the opportunity of peaceful acceptance. Rather like the analogy of the “half-full/half-empty glass”. The person who thinks of his life as half-empty is destined to spend all his days in constant search without fulfillment, even to the end. While the other who views his life as half-full will continue to enjoy his life as he consumes the rest to the end.

In this context, I am always reminded of that beautiful letter written by the Rev. Henry Scott Holland, the 19th century English clergyman, in regard to his own impending death, and sent to all his friends and family after he died, under the caption, "All is Well":“To my beloved family and friends,

In this context, I am always reminded of that beautiful letter written by the Rev. Henry Scott Holland, the 19th century English clergyman, in regard to his own impending death, and sent to all his friends and family after he died, under the caption"All is Well":
To my beloved family and friends,
Death is nothing at all. I’ve only slipped away into the next room. I am I, and you are you Whatever we were to each other, that we are still. Call me by my old familiar names. Speak to me in the same easy way which you always used to. Put no difference in your tone. Wear no air of solemnity or sorrow. Laugh as we always laugh at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me. Pray for me. Let my name ever be the household name it ever was. Let it be spoken without effect, without a ghost of a shadow on it. Life means all that it ever was. There is absolutely unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight? I am but waiting for you an interval, somewhere very close, just around the corner. All is well!

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Oh Death where is thy sting; Oh grave where is your victory?

……1Corinthians 55

There is a dignity in dying that doctors should not dare to deny.

……..Author Unknown

For death begins with Life’s first breath,
And Life begins at the touch of death.
……John Oxenham

Life is not lost by dying;
Life is lost minute by minute,
Day by dragging day,
In all the thousand small uncaring ways.
..….. Stephen Benet

The art of living well and the art of dying well are one.

…….Epicurus

If you are not afraid of dying, there is nothing you cannot achieve.
……..Lao Tzu

Do not seek death. Death will find you.But seek the road which makes death a fulfillment.
…….. Dag Hammarskjöld

If we have been pleased with life, we should not be displeased with death, since it comes from the hand of the same master.

……..Michelangelo

When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced. Live your life so that when you die, the world cries and you rejoice.

......Cherokee Proverb

Life is a great sunrise.

I do not see why death should not be an even greater one.

……Vladimir Nobokov

Death is not extinguishing the light;

It is putting out the lamp because the dawn has come.

……..Rabindranath Tagore

LIFE WITH KHALIL GIBRAN-A View of the Child

Foreword
In 1954 I visited Lebanon and Syria while I was attending medical school in England. Part of my itinerary included visiting the home/museum of Khalil Gibran in the beautiful village of Besharri situated just north of Tripoli at the foothills of the famous Cedars of Lebanon. I was overwhelmed by the sensitivity and depth of his work both written and artistic, and continue to be up to the present. Like many millions of people, I am particularly impressed with his publication, “The Prophet”, and have spent many happy hours reflecting on the topics of his essays.In this and in subsequent essays, I will be selecting some of the topics, reproducing his quotation and then recording my thoughts as I see and feel them. This effort is not meant to be a scholarly interpretation of his work, but merely my own views based on my own experiences and understanding.

AND a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, Speak to us of Children.

And he said:

Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.

They come through you but not from you,

And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,

For they have their own thoughts.You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.

For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children,

as living arrows are sent forth.

The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.

Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;

For even as He loves the arrow that flies,so He loves also the bow that is stable

In a most eloquent and dynamic way, The Prophet left no doubt as to his views on children and parent responsibilities toward them. Children are placed in our care and responsibility for a period of time, but not more. We don’t own them nor do we control them and we must not seek to make them like ourselves. Because life does not go backward, they are destined to go forward, free and independent of us and our influences, to dwell in the house of tomorrow. But it must be their house, not ours.

We must teach them and prepare them and then set them on the right road, like the archer who sets his arrow to go swift and far to find their own mark upon the path of the infinite. For in the end we rejoice with them even as they move forward into their future, but also be pleased with the parents who remained steadfast in their support to and for them.

As I see it, Children are and will always be the future and we who inhabit the present are entrusted with the sacred responsibility of preparing them for their roles, in the same way our parents and their parents had done in the past. We do so more by setting standards and by example rather than by rules and edicts, and by providing unconditional love and trust rather than suspicion and unrealistic expectation.
Unfortunately, so many of us fail to do so, allowing our ego to overwhelm our good sense and instead of providing guidance and support to facilitate growth and maturity, we tend to wrap our children in our cloak of selfish needs, measuring our own value and success by our children’s successes and failures. We seem to forget that children are separate individuals with their own identity who must be allowed to develop along their own path rather than live up to the parent’s unrealistic expectations.
Parenting without ego helps to develop healthy self-esteem in the children. Children who grow up experiencing their parent’s unconditional love and support and who feel valued for who they are, rather than what they should be, will surely approach adulthood with confidence. Since values are important for the children’s life, parents should become an origin of unlimited values to their children. And since children learn by observing, parent’s actions will deliver the clearest meanings. So the way that parents will spend their free time or even their money will mirror on their children’s character. Parents should set rules that reflect the values they believe, because then the meaning of the values will be easier to understand.
The values the children learn will be the main source for knowing what is correct from what is wrong. They will become the guide to their future life and in turn will be the source for their own attitude towards their children.
In the end, I can do no better than to repeat that wonderful quotation written by Dorothy L. Nolte, which has become a classic the world over:

“Children learn what they live;
If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn.

If a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight.

If a child lives with fear, he learns to be apprehensive.

If a child lives with jealousy, he learns to feel guilty.
If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient.

If a child lives with encouragement, he learns to be confident.

If a child lives with praise, he learns to be appreciative.

If a child lives with acceptance, he learns to love.
If a child lives with approval, he learns to like himself.

If a child lives with recognition, he learns it is good to have a goal.

If a child lives with honesty, he learns what truth is.

If a child lives with fairness, he learns justice.

If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith in himself and those about him.

If a child lives with approval, he learns to like himself.

If a child lives with acceptance and friendship, he learns to find love in the world."

LIFE AT CHRISTMAS

“You who bring good tidings to Jerusalem,
lift up your voice with a shout, lift it up, do not be afraid;
Say to the towns of Judah: "Here is your God!”

This statement, taken from Isaiah 40:9, encapsulates the true meaning of the wonderful season of Christmas, one which continues to be buried by an increasing tide of secularism and commercialization.

Christmas has lost whatever religious meaning it ever had, and instead has become just one more excuse for corporations to sell things. Massive traffic jams, packed shopping malls, and lines stretching around the block have become hallmarks of the holiday season. Even uglier, are the “special sales” that regularly lead to pandemonium and which are used to herald the start of season earlier and earlier. All of this deliberately designed by the corporations and credit card companies to convince us to spend more and more and owe more and more.

For me however, as I grow older, Christmas is the time for my family and me. The powerful feeling of family is never any stronger than at midnight of Christmas eve when, gathered with all my family, we welcome, together with all the faithful of the Christian world, the glad and glorious tidings of the birth of our Lord.

But Christmas is more than just an opportunity for family to gather together and share the joy and love of one another. It is an opportunity for us all to take the time and reflect upon the message of the season, as announced by the angels to the shepherds on that faithful night in Luke 2:14:

“Glory to God in the highest,
and on earth, peace and good will toward men"

Unfortunately, like our tendency to distort and commercialize Christmas, we have also successfully buried this beautiful command from God of “Peace on earth and Goodwill to all men”.

As we enter this season, instead of peace on earth, we have wars raging in every corner of the world and among every nation and even within nations. In fact peace appears to be the most elusive commodity in the whole world. So too are our leaders, irrespective of whether we elect them or otherwise. We grant the prestigious Nobel Peace Prize upon one of our Presidents and he promptly increases the size and extent of the war in Afghanistan. We are spending more money on building greater and greater weapons than we are feeding and housing our neighbors. We have clearly not learnt any lessons from the past wars and conflicts, nor do we seem to give more than lip service to the mounting death toll and worse still, the mounting numbers of young men and women whose horrendous injuries are an abomination to humanity. And we do this all, in the name of freedom and democracy!

And as to goodwill to all men; few of us have taken the time to understand its true meaning. We appear to prefer the most successful, the most notorious and the most aggressive people as the ones deserving the recognition. We happily appoint a man of very questionable morals as the world’s greatest sportsman, a woman of equally questionable character as the greatest entertainer, showering them with our money and adoration. Yet we ignore the millions of people who go from one day to another not knowing if food is available to feed their children.

Even worse than this, is the lopsided attitude of our governments towards the care and support of society. We unhesitatingly spend billions of dollars to support the greedy, selfish incompetence of our financial leaders, including handsomely rewarding them with large bonuses for destroying the world’s economies. Yet we do not raise a finger to help the millions of unfortunate investors and homeowners, leaving them to wallow helplessly in the mud of
failure and bankruptcy. Where in God’s name is the goodwill toward men?

So as we enter this season of Christmas, a season chosen by God to remind us of our own responsibility towards our brothers and our neighbors let us all commit to live by his words.
That we will all strive, by word and by deed, to ensure peace on earth, and do whatever and whenever we can, all that we are capable of doing to restoring good will toward men.

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God walked down the stairs of heaven with a Baby in His arms.

……Paul Scherer

There has been only one Christmas;
The rest are anniversaries.

…….W.J. Cameron

It is Christmas in the heart that puts Christmas in the air.

….W. T. Ellis

May your Christmas be as peaceful and as bright as new fallen snow.

…..Author Unknown

I will honor Christmas in my heart, and keep it all year.

……Charles Dickens

For the spirit of Christmas fulfils the greatest hunger of mankind.

…….Loring A. Schuler

He who has not Christmas in his heart will never find it under a tree.

……. Roy L. Smith

The message of Christmas is that the visible material world
is bound to the invisible spiritual world.

……Author Unknown

What is Christmas?
It is tenderness for the past, courage for the present, hope for the future.
It is a fervent wish that every cup may overflow with blessings rich and eternal,
and that every path may lead to peace.

…….Agnes M. Pharo

The only blind person at Christmastime is;
he who has not Christmas in his heart.

……Helen Keller

Blessed is the season which engages the whole world,
in a conspiracy of love.

…… Hamilton Wright Mabie

Christmas ... is not an eternal event at all,
but a piece of one's home that one carries in one's heart.

…….. Freya Stark

Christ was born in the first century, yet he belongs to all centuries.
He was born a Jew, yet He belongs to all races.
He was born in Bethlehem, yet He belongs to all countries.

……..George W. Truett

LIFE AND THE OLD MAN

The following was sent to me by a good friend. Its impact upon me was so strong that I felt the need to pass it on to as many people as I can, especially at a time like this when goodwill to men reigns.

When an old man died in the geriatric ward of a nursing home in North Platte, Nebraska ,
it was believed that he had nothing left of any value. Later, when the nurses were going through his meager possessions, they found this poem. Its quality and content so impressed the staff that copies were made and distributed to every nurse in the hospital.
One nurse took her copy to Missouri. The old man's sole bequest to posterity has since appeared in the Christmas edition of the News Magazine of the St. Louis Association for Mental Health.
A slide presentation has also been made based on his simple, but eloquent, poem. And this little old man, with nothing left to give to the world, is now the author of this 'anonymous' poem winging across the Internet.

The Crabby Old Man

What do you see nurses? . . . What do you see?

What are you thinking . . …. when you're looking at me?

A crabby old man . .. . . … not very wise,

Uncertain of habit . . . . . with faraway eyes?

Who dribbles his food . . . . . and makes no reply.

When you say in a loud voice . . . . . 'I do wish you'd try!'

Who seems not to notice . .. . . . the things that you do.

And forever is losing . . . . . A sock or shoe?

Who, resisting or not . . . . . lets you do as you will,

With bathing and feeding . . . . . The long day to fill?

Is that what you're thinking? . . . . . Is that what you see?

Then open your eyes, nurse . . . . . you're not looking at me.

I'll tell you who I am. . . . . . As I sit here so still,

As I do at your bidding, . . . . . as I eat at your will.

I'm a small child of Ten,.. .. . . with a father and mother,

Brothers and sisters . . . . . who love one another.

A young boy of Sixteen . . . . with wings on his feet.

Dreaming that soon now . . . . . a lover he'll meet.

A groom soon at Twenty . . . . . my heart gives a leap.

Remembering, the vows . . . . . that I promised to keep.

At Twenty-Five, now . .. . . . I have young of my own.

Who need me to guide . . . . . And a secure happy home.

A man of Thirty . . . . . My young now grown fast,

Bound to each other . . . .. . With ties that should last.

At Forty, my young sons . . . . . have grown and are gone,

But my woman's beside me . . . .. . to see I don't mourn.

At Fifty, once more, babies play 'round my knee,

Again, we know children .. . . . . My loved one and me.

Dark days are upon me . . . . . my wife is now dead.

I look at the future . . . . . shudder with dread.

For my young are all rearing . . . . . young of their own.

And I think of the years . . . . . and the love that I've known

I'm now an old man . . . . . and nature is cruel.

Tis jest to make old age . . . . . look like a fool.

The body, it crumbles . . . . . grace and vigor, depart.

There is now a stone . . .. . where I once had a heart.

But inside this old carcass . . . . .. a young guy still dwells,

And now and again . . . . . my battered heart swells.

I remember the joys . . . . . I remember the pain.

And I'm loving and living . . . . . life over again.

I think of the years, all too few . . . . . gone too fast.

And accept the stark fact . . . . that nothing can last.

So open your eyes, people . . . . . open and see.

Not a crabby old man . . . Look closer .. . . see ME!!

Remember this poem when you next meet an older person who you might brush aside
without looking at the young soul within.
We will all, one day, be there, too!The best and most beautiful things of this world can't be seen or touched, they must be felt by the heart.

LIFE WITH KHALIL GIBRAN-A View of Pain

Foreword
In 1954 I visited Lebanon and Syria while I was attending medical school in England. Part of my itinerary included visiting the home/museum of Khalil Gibran in the beautiful village of Besharri situated just north of Tripoli at the foothills of the famous Cedars of Lebanon. I was overwhelmed by the sensitivity and depth of his work both written and artistic, and continue to be up to the present. Like many millions of people, I am particularly impressed with his publication, “The Prophet”, and have spent many happy hours reflecting on the topics of his essays.
In this and in subsequent essays, I will be selecting some of the topics, reproducing his quotation and then recording my thoughts as I see and feel them. This effort is not meant to be a scholarly interpretation of his work, but merely my own views based on my own experiences and understanding.

……And a woman spoke, saying; Tell us of Pain.

And he said:

"Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.
Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that its heart may stand in the sun,
so must you know pain.
And could you keep your heart in wonder at the daily miracles of your life,
your pain would not seem less wondrous than your joy;
And you would accept the seasons of your heart,
even as you have always accepted the seasons that pass over your fields.
And you would watch with serenity through the winters of your grief."
Much of your pain is self-chosen.It is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self.Therefore trust the physician, and drink his remedy in silence and tranquility:For his hand, though heavy and hard, is guided by the tender hand of the Unseen,And the cup he brings, though it burn your lips,
has been fashioned of the claywhich the Potter has moistened with His own sacred tears.”

To the prophet, pain is an important and fundamental factor in the awakening and understanding of oneself. To experience pain, like the breaking of the stone of the fruit, brings an opportunity to truly know yourself and be yourself. It affords you the chance to gain insight as you emerge from “winters” of uncertainty into the light of enlightenment.
He reassures us that we are not alone, that even as the pain appears to be unbearable, a “bitter potion” from the physician’s “heavy and hard hands", it is guided by the “tender hand of the unseen”. And the cup, “though it burns the lips” is moistened by “sacred tears” of the potter.
Therefore he advises, pain must be chosen and accepted as an inevitable passage to growth and understanding, a force for goodness and a road that leads to expansion of consciousness.

As I see it, pain has been generally described as an unpleasant sensory and emotional experience associated with actual or potential tissue damage. It alerts us to danger and tells us when something is wrong within our bodies. If the danger is acute, then the body will react spontaneously by reflex action, even before the brain is aware of the danger.
The mechanisms by which pain is experienced have been extensively studied and demonstrated. They involve the entire peripheral and central nervous systems and specific centers in the brain and are present Throughout the entire animal kingdom. They are essentially self-protective in nature.
But we all know that pain is not only physical and from our own experiences it should be clear that such a definition is grossly incomplete. There is indeed, a category of pain, equally or more debilitating, which does not involve the nervous pathways or tissue damage. The great ancient philosophers wrote extensively on the impact of this type of pain on the human psyche, and throughout the centuries literature is overflowing with stories of emotional suffering. In some ways this emotional pain can be more intense and last longer than physical pain.

Anyone who has experienced the pain of loss, or of shame, or of disappointment will attest to the depth and length of suffering. This is the pain that is often described as “coming from the soul”, and can lead to severe changes in outlook and behavior.
Interestingly, recent MRI/Scan studies have shown that the changes in the brains of people with physical and emotional pain, including imaginary pain, are essentially similar irrespective of the causative agents. This has given rise to proposals that there are common underlying biochemical etiologies.

To my mind this should not really be surprising. Any practicing professional with experience, will attest to the commonality of symptoms, presentation, management and outcome of the many varieties of pain perception in the human psyche. Suggesting that the successful outcome of a pain episode, whatever the cause, is less dependent on the specific treatment modality, as it is on the attitude and understanding you bring to bear on the situation.

This is perhaps what Gibran meant when he wrote these lines:

"Much of your pain is self-chosen.

It is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self."

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There are no gains without Pain.
……Benjamin Franklin

Pain is no evil, unless it conquers us.
……..George Eliot

Pain is life; the sharper, the more evidence of life.
……Charles Lamb

Without Pain, there is no coming to consciousness.
…….Carl Jung

The greatest evil is physical pain.
..…Saint Augustine

There is no Pain so great,
as the memory of joy in present grief.
……Aeschylus

Pain nourishes courage.
…..Mary Tyler Moore

Pain is short-lived, but Pride lasts a lifetime.
……. Elvis Stojko

Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you.
…..Your own reality.
If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you're lettingsociety destroy your reality.
You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.
……Jim Morrison

LIFE'S OUTLOOK

"Two men look out the same prison bars;
one sees mud and the other stars."

This famous quotation by Rev. Frederick Langbridge, the Irish author and novelist, precisely encapsulates the true mean of Outlook and its subsequent effect on behavior.

The Thesaurus defines Outlook as a habitual or characteristic mental attitude that determines how you will interpret and respond to situations. It is a fundamental and simply uncontroversial truth that a positive outlook in life makes a world of difference on the outcome of any encounter, and equally, the wrong outlook dooms even the simplest task. Being positive and optimistic about a situation, irregardless of it’s complexity and difficulty, will go a long way to helping achieve success. And by contrast, even the simplest task could have a disastrous outcome in the hands of someone who is primed to fail.

In this context I am reminded of a song made popular by Frank Sinatra in 1959 entitled, “High Hopes”, which was adopted and modified by John F. Kennedy in 1960 at the start of his successful presidential campaign. The song deals with a few bizarre scenarios where animals challenge and overcome impossible situations because of their positive outlook, such as, an ant moving a tree, and a ram bringing down a dam. It created a sensation when it was published and not only won the Academy Award for Best Song of that year, but became a standard, used to encourage people to try harder. It certainly was very effectively used to reinforce the image of JFK as the right candidate to be president.

Acquiring the right outlook is not always easy to do. Like any other personality trait its acquisition is dependent on multiple factors including heredity, familial, environmental, educational and social exposure. The more positive environment a child is exposed to, the more encouragement he is given, and the more opportunity he has to achieve success, will all play major roles in reinforcing a positive outlook. By contrast, being exposed in an environment of fear and pessimism and extreme caution and timidity, will only serve to doom the child to a life committed to avoiding failure rather than achieving success.

That is a real pity, for the truth is that we can all do more, and achieve more, by trying to cultivate and apply a positive outlook to any situation. We cannot allow a bad experience or outcome to affect our outlook and compromise our chance of success. In fact, staying positive is not difficult to achieve, nor is it limited to a special group of people. We should all recognize that we do have the power to choose how we deal with a situation and that maintaining a positive outlook is much easier than it appears. In the end, life is what you make of it and it is up to you to decide how you deal with your problems.

Richard M. DeVos, the founder of the highly successful consumer products company, AMWAY INTERNATIONAL, described this quite effectively, and in a way that strongly deserves your sincere consideration:

Life; It tends to respond to our Outlook,

to shape itself to meet our expectation.

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To curb this sense of envy and jealousy.
We must develop a broader Outlook.
……Sri Sathya Sai Baba

Your Outlook upon life are largely colored by your environment.
Your whole career will be modified, shaped, molded by your surroundings;
By the character of the people with whom you come in contact every day.
……..Orison Swett Marden

The rapprochement of peoples is only possible
when differences of Outlook are respected and appreciated,
rather than feared and condemned.
……H. William Fullbright

Tough times never last, but tough people do.
……. Dr. Robert Schuller

I have treated many hundreds of patients.
Among those in the second half of life - that is to say, over 35,
there has not been one whose problem in the last resort
was not that of finding a religious outlook on life.

…….Carl Jung