LIVING WITH DEATH AND DYING

“Everybody is born with an expiry date.”

This statement was made many years ago by a friend Carlito Alexander, now deceased, after he was diagnosed with cancer of the Lung. It has forever impressed me by its profound simplicity and truth. In just a few simple words he succeeded to confirm a fact that appears to be increasingly questioned and challenged by the modern world.
Since the beginning of time, the status of death and dying has held a predominant position in man’s thinking. In primitive societies, where religion and culture were closely inter- related, death was tied to life in a cyclical way. Death, like the seasonal and agricultural cycles, was necessary in order to lead to rebirth or resurrection in one form or another. Primitive rituals reflected this belief universally, as people accepted the inevitability of death as part of the cycle of human life.
The Native Americans for example, view life and death as parts of a circular movement, wherein the process merely represents a transformation and not finality, and after death the spirit continues to live on. Buddhists always celebrate death. For even though dying means losing someone close in this world, they believe that only through death, can they be one step closer to Nirvana, the perfect state of mind.
In Western cultures, the attitudes of Society towards death have been changing over time. As the main influencer, Society has a huge impact on people’s perception of death. So also is the influence of the various religious groups, which both affects and determines people’s attitudes within the dominant culture. Fear of the unknown has always been one of the most common factors in our approach towards death, giving rise to profound anxiety. However, Christians are taught to view death as not to be denied or feared, but as something precious and even welcomed, for the blessings it brings with the promise of eternal life.
Unlike the past generations, the attitude towards death is being greatly modified with the increasing impact of the medical and scientific advances in diagnosis and treatment. As a consequence, the world seems to be losing the sense of death being an inevitable consequence of living. More and more, death is being regarded as something that should not happen, and should not be allowed to happen. As a result we find ourselves demanding and expecting everything be done, at all cost, to keep life going, without regard to the resulting quality or certainty of the life. In some ways these days, death is regarded as taboo and it is considered impolite to speak of its reality and its inevitability.
This situation is compounded by the increasing trend towards the widespread exposure of death in the media to children at a very early age. This has the effect of removing the “aura of the unknown”, and has led to the development of a variety of conflicting attitudes towards life and death, leading to confusing and unrealistic interpretations and expectations. The result is an increasing difficulty of acceptance and accommodation.
In the end, we must recognize that each person has his or her own view of death and attitude towards it. Although much of this is based on the prevailing society’s attitudes and beliefs, each one has to deal with the loss in one’s own way. Clearly a sudden unexpected loss, or the death of a younger person carries a greater impact than the older or terminally ill person. Children are generally much more accepting because they do not understand the meaning of finality and expect the loss to be corrected in some way. But in the end, there is no easy position except the fact is that death is as certain and inevitable as any other cycle of nature.
For my own self, as a practicing Physician for more than 50 years, having encountered and dealt with a wide range of attitudes, responses and reactions to the anticipation and reality of death of my patients and their families, I still find it difficult to predict or influence other people’s attitudes. To me death is merely a stop on the journey of life. More important is the quality of life you lead. For I firmly believe that a person who has lived a full and fulfilling life has no reason to fear death. There is a purpose, as I have stated previously in describing my concept of "life" and contained in the following statement:
“To me, life is not a random series of transient, overlapping, unrelated

experiences, destined to be consigned to oblivion upon completion.
I believe instead, life is a precious expression of a greater plan in which
our time spent on earth is but a short segment of a journey
which began in eternity and will continue to eternity”.

I believe that part of our living must of necessity involve our preparation for dying. In our early years while we are consumed with life, vitality and achieving our dreams this will occupy a very minor portion, but as we grow older we should avoid the natural urge to ignore this likelihood. I am always bothered by those who avoid or are afraid to deal with the subject or spend all their time and effort trying to ”beat it”. By doing this, you end up cheating yourself of the reality and the opportunity of peaceful acceptance. Rather like the analogy of the “half-full/half-empty glass”. The person who thinks of his life as half-empty is destined to spend all his days in constant search without fulfillment, even to the end. While the other who views his life as half-full will continue to enjoy his life as he consumes the rest to the end.

In this context, I am always reminded of that beautiful letter written by the Rev. Henry Scott Holland, the 19th century English clergyman, in regard to his own impending death, and sent to all his friends and family after he died, under the caption, "All is Well":“To my beloved family and friends,

In this context, I am always reminded of that beautiful letter written by the Rev. Henry Scott Holland, the 19th century English clergyman, in regard to his own impending death, and sent to all his friends and family after he died, under the caption"All is Well":
To my beloved family and friends,
Death is nothing at all. I’ve only slipped away into the next room. I am I, and you are you Whatever we were to each other, that we are still. Call me by my old familiar names. Speak to me in the same easy way which you always used to. Put no difference in your tone. Wear no air of solemnity or sorrow. Laugh as we always laugh at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me. Pray for me. Let my name ever be the household name it ever was. Let it be spoken without effect, without a ghost of a shadow on it. Life means all that it ever was. There is absolutely unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight? I am but waiting for you an interval, somewhere very close, just around the corner. All is well!

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Oh Death where is thy sting; Oh grave where is your victory?

……1Corinthians 55

There is a dignity in dying that doctors should not dare to deny.

……..Author Unknown

For death begins with Life’s first breath,
And Life begins at the touch of death.
……John Oxenham

Life is not lost by dying;
Life is lost minute by minute,
Day by dragging day,
In all the thousand small uncaring ways.
..….. Stephen Benet

The art of living well and the art of dying well are one.

…….Epicurus

If you are not afraid of dying, there is nothing you cannot achieve.
……..Lao Tzu

Do not seek death. Death will find you.But seek the road which makes death a fulfillment.
…….. Dag Hammarskjöld

If we have been pleased with life, we should not be displeased with death, since it comes from the hand of the same master.

……..Michelangelo

When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced. Live your life so that when you die, the world cries and you rejoice.

......Cherokee Proverb

Life is a great sunrise.

I do not see why death should not be an even greater one.

……Vladimir Nobokov

Death is not extinguishing the light;

It is putting out the lamp because the dawn has come.

……..Rabindranath Tagore