LIFE WITH THE SERENITY PRAYER

LIFE IS FOR THE LIVING

LIFE WITH THE SERENITY PRAYER

“God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
The courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to know the difference.”

My first encounter with this beautiful prayer was in 1962 when as a young physician I attended an Alcoholic Anonymous meeting in preparation for my planned work with alcoholic patients in my community. Adopted by A.A. as an essential prayer at the very beginning of its formation in 1942, it quickly became, and continues to be, deeply engrained in the philosophy of the movement. Since that first encounter I have used the prayer both in my personal and professional life so often that it has become an integral part of my psyche and one of the yardsticks by which I measure my life and my world.

Although its true origin is in some dispute, there is considerable agreement that the prayer in its present form was first written and delivered as part of a sermon by the great American Protestant theologian and social commentator Dr. Reinhold Niebuhr in 1935, and subsequently published in 1941. The story goes that in 1942 Bill W. the founder of A.A., found it attached to a simple obituary in the New York Herald Tribune and was so deeply touched by it that he introduced it in the 12-step program at the next meeting. The response was overwhelming, leading Bill to write;

“Never had we seen so much A.A. in so few words.”

Since then, it has found favor with a large and expanding number of treatment programs mainly based on the principles of self-help and self-understanding that include such categories as drug abuse, personality disorders as well as behavioral and compulsive disorders. More recently it has been incorporated in a variety of programs developed to help the very large and growing numbers of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder victims among soldiers returning from the wars in Iraq, Afghanistan and Viet Nam as they learn to cope with their continuing traumatic experiences.

Apart from The Lord’s Prayer, this prayer is possibly the second most used pray in Christendom and is repeated millions of times, by millions of people the world over, on a daily basis. In my own practice over more than fifty years, I have found it to be a very useful and effective tool, one which I have not hesitated to use in a large cross-section of my patients, often with rewarding results. I have found it to be useful not only in dealing with people suffering from such diverse situations as emotional problems and personality disorders, but I have also found from time to time, it can be very useful in helping the individual cope with serious health problems and crisis situations.

As I see it, this very short and concise prayer made up of only 27 words captures the very essence of the perfect relationship between man and God. Contrary to popular belief, it is not an apology nor is it an admission of weakness or failure. It is in fact a statement of awareness and conviction. While the prayer begins with a conscious acknowledgement of our dependence on God, it accepts the reality that there are certain situations we cannot change, and must therefore accept. On the other hand we are expected to deal with other situations by use of our own initiative and actions. The most important component however is our being able to differentiate between them, for by doing so we are able to achieve a balance in our lives between acceptance and change, leading to a sense of peace, security and confidence; …..A State of Serenity!

In my own life I have found this simple prayer to be one of my most powerful allies in times of uncertainty and stress. On so many occasions when I found myself under great emotional strain, or when I faced situations requiring life changing decisions for myself or with respect to my patients or my family, I inevitably take time to revue the options using the prayer as my guide. Not only does it remind me to determine what cannot be changed and therefore must be accepted, but it allows me to identify what needs changing, allowing the opportunity to direct my efforts appropriately. In this way I can approach dealing with the situation in a more comfortable, focused manner, or if I cannot, I am able to better accept the situation and find alternative solutions. I have no doubt that this single approach has gone a long way to making me a better physician and a better person. Over and over I have found that upon later reflection of situations which did not meet my expectation that I had made decisions without applying the formula adequately. On these occasions I tended to react to my internal negative sentiments of anger, disappointment and revenge rather than choose the path towards understanding and acceptance. I have no doubt that the above statement is by no means unique or unusual or just limited to only a few special people. On the contrary by far the great majority of people can and do relate to its message.

The Serenity Prayer has been described by an author whose name I do not recall, as a wide door that is open to people of all faiths and backgrounds. I agree with this, and will not hesitate to add that it is above all others, the most basic and most fundamental component which, in combination with love and respect, are the ingredients that ensure world peace and happiness. Sadly however these seem to be missing in this present world so badly torn up with hate, suspicion, distrust, anger and shame.

Is it any wonder therefore that nowadays the only news that fills our newspapers or we hear and see in broadcasts deal with hate and killings and revolutions and wars and the words peace and respect do not seem to exist any more.

…….. Perhaps our leaders the world over, might become better leaders if they too took heed of the Serenity Prayer.