LIFE WITH LONELINESS

Khalil Gibran, , in his book, A Second Treasury, a brilliantly written observation on life, very accurately and beautifully described the true role of loneliness in the context of living, in the following manner:

"Life is an island in an ocean of loneliness.
An island whose rocks are hopes, whose trees are dreams,
whose flowers are solitude, and whose brooks are thirst.
Your life, my fellow men, is an island separated from other islands and regions.
No matter how many are the ships that leave your shores for other climes,
no matter how many are the fleets that touch your coast, you remain a solitary island, suffering the pangs of loneliness and yearning for happiness.
You are unknown to your fellow man and far removed from their sympathy and understandings”

Loneliness is a state of feeling cut off from, and longing for others, as a result of a lack of physical or emotional contact with people, whether they are acquaintances, friends, or loved ones. It is not to be confused with Solitude or Being alone, where the individual voluntarily chooses solitary isolation for personal reasons or is involuntarily placed in a state of isolation.

Being alone can be a very positive and rewarding experience, especially when used as a time of reflection, contemplation and self-evaluation, and can often lead to personal growth and enhancement. But Loneliness is a totally different state of affairs. The profound feelings of isolation and rejection, the pain of losing contact and social network and the inability to communicate with others can lead to intense feelings of inadequacy, anxiety and depression, and can seriously compromise physical and mental well-being.

Loneliness is a universal human response. None of us are immune from episodes of loneliness and I am sure anyone of us will have no difficulty in readily identifying instances of loneliness that have left indelible effects on our psyche. It has no single cause, nor does it respect age, sex, intellectual ability or socioeconomic status. It is complex and unique to the individual, and has a strong correlation to underlying personality and psychological characteristics.
Whatever the cause, it is vitally important that immediate and urgent steps be taken to correct or reduce its impact. Every effort must be made to educate people on the early recognition, correction and prevention of this damaging state of mind. People in this state tend to feel increasingly empty and unwanted. Although they recognize the need for human contact, their state of mind actually makes it more difficult to do so and as a result they run an increased risk of developing serious health and mental problems.

Loneliness exists all around us. We see it in our friends and family, among our neighbors and strangers and read about it in our books and newspapers. Unfortunately, although we all have no difficulty to recognizing it and all its sequellae, yet it is rare that we are able to help others to successfully deal with its consequences.

Over the many years of my practice, I have seen loneliness present itself in all its many and varied faces. I have seen it in children, manifesting itself as apathy, withdrawal, as eating and bowel disorders, and even as aggressive and anti-social behavior. Some experts suggest that
Autism is merely an extreme manifestation of Loneliness.

Among adolescents, loneliness may well be the most common underlying factor in a large number of behavioral problems encountered. This is not surprising when one considers the enormous conflicts to which they are exposed and the ridiculous demands of our “modern” society. Often the consequences may be tragic as was the recent case of a young girl who was driven to committing suicide as a result of peer pressure and isolation. This situation is certainly not improved by the appearance of such popular community sites as Facebook and Twitter where loneliness becomes “hidden in public view”.

In adulthood and to a larger extent, among seniors, the problems of loneliness wreak havoc among the individuals and their families. With the added burdens associated with socio-economic distress, severe health problems and loss of life-long partners the incidence of loneliness and the resulting health and emotional deterioration become dominant and the resulting suffering, overwhelming. Is it any surprise that loneliness is often referred to as “The Scourge for all seasons”?

In this context, I am reminded of the observation and advice given by one of Britain’s greatest philosopher, historian, logician, mathematician and social critic who has ever lived, Sir Bertrand Arthur William Russell, who died in 1970 at the age of 97 years old. He wrote:

“Nature did not construct human beings to stand alone.
Those who have never known the deep intimacy
and intense companionshipof happy mutual love
have missed the best thing that life has to give.
Love is the principal means of escape from loneliness,
which afflicts most men and women
throughout the greater part of their lives”.


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All the Lonely People, where do they all come from?
……..John Lennon and Paul McCartney

People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges.
…….Joseph F. Newton

Loneliness is not a fault, but a Condition of Existence.
…….Ivan Albright

Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty.
…….Mother Teresa

The surest cure for Vanity is Loneliness.
…….Thomas Wolfe

You cannot be alone, if you like the person you are alone with.
…….Wayne Dyer

Nothing is more lamentable and sterile than a man content to live alone.
….Harold Pinter

Loneliness shows us what should be;
Society shows us what we are.
……..Robert Cecil

What Loneliness is more lonely, than Distrust?
…….T. S. Eliot