LIVING WITH MEMORIES

Recently I had the most satisfying and rewarding experience of meeting with a colleague whom I had last seen fifty two years ago when we both graduated. Although we had not seen or communicated with each other for all this while, it was amazing how readily the memories of that period came flowing back and how easy we were able to recall events that had taken place so many years ago. Over the short span of a few hours we were able to restore and recall encounters, faces and events that had laid buried in our memory banks for so many years, and experience emotions that had remained dormant for as long. For a brief period I was young again, reliving the past, savoring the faces and the visions of people and places I had not seen for many years and most importantly, feeling the emotions that once dominated my life and had remained buried for many decades by all my subsequent life experiences.

“Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love,
the things you are,
the things you never want to lose”.

These words taken from the popular television show “The Wonder Years”, which appeared on ABC during 1988 to 1993, epitomize the basic meaning of memories to most of us. They play a very fundamental role in the lives of every one of us. It is through our memories that we learn to live and to acquire skills and learn to avoid dangers. It is by remembering events in our lives and the outcomes of these events that we learn and acquire new skills. And equally, it is by remembering our mistakes and errors that we learn to correct ourselves. In these ways memories serve to define us as who we are and who we strive to be. In the end, it is only by remembering what we, or others, have done or did not do, can we learn who we truly are or want to be.

But memories are very subjective and unless we are careful, they can become distorted over time by our attitudes and interpretations. Most of us have a tendency to take for granted the reliability of our memory and to assume that it will be always serve us well. The truth is that even in optimum conditions we generally remember only those things we want to remember or that have impacted us, positively or negatively, in a significant way. I am sure we can all attest to instances where our memory of an event or situation is colored more by its effect on us than by the actual occurrence. We tend to suppress anything which may cause us pain or disappointment so much that when it is recalled later, much of it is erased. Extensive research has confirmed the unreliability and inconsistency of memory in accurately recording and reproducing an event. So much depends on the individual, his state of mind and the prevailing conditions that we should all be very careful when giving total credence to a memory.

That not withstanding, memories occupy a very important and integral part of our lives and there is very little that we do that does not involve the use, in one way or another, of our memory. From the moment of waking and throughout the day all our thoughts, actions or decisions are subject to, and under the influence of our memories. We choose what we wear, or what we eat or what we say by referring to our past memory and then deciding. The more complex the decision, the more dependent we are on our ability to process information from our memory banks. In fact in some ways, the fundamental difference between average and intelligent behavior is the ability to efficiently process our memories.

It should be no surprise that anything which interferes with our memories will profoundly affect our behavior. We see this in a reversible form following the use of alcohol, drugs and toxic states and in its most tragic and painful state in the chronic brain disorders associated with Alzheimer’s Dementia or Strokes. Anyone who has had to spend sometime observing or taking care of such people will not ever fail to recognize the appalling damage to the person resulting from the loss of the memory systems. This indeed underlines the dramatic effect of the power of memory in our lives and the supreme tragedy that occurs when it is lost.

Charles Baudelaire, the eminent nineteenth century French poet and critic, who was often ridiculed as the father of criticism, most eloquently described this tragedy in his own life as he recognized his brain being progressively consumed with Syphilis:

“How little remains of the man I once was, save the memory of him!
But remembering is only a new form of suffering”.

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Memories are the treasures locked deep within the storehouse of our souls;
To keep our hearts warm when we are lonely.
…….Becky Aligada

Take care of all your memories.
You cannot relive them.
…..Bob Dylan

It doesn't matter who my father was;
It matters who I remember he was.
…..Ann Sexton

We must always keep old memories,
and young hopes.
……Arsene Houssave

The richness of life lies in memories we have forgotten
……Cesare Pavese

Our memories are the only paradise,
From which we cannot be expelled.
…..Jean-Paul Richter

It's surprising how much memory is built,

around things unnoticed at the time.

......Barbara Kingsolver

Anyone who limits her vision to memories of yesterday,
is already dead.
……..Lillie Langtry

Nothing fixes a thing so intensely in the memory
as the wish to forget it.
……Michel de Montaigne