LIFE IS IN THE LIVING, (Personal comments on Life)

“We can live only in the present. We cannot live in the past,
since the past is always gone. The future has not yet come.
The present alone is given for us on a silver plate,
to act in, and to enjoy. How big is the present?
The present is a thin line where the past meets the future.”

I recently came across the above quotation by the well respected Hindu philosopher, Dr. Krishna Sadananda dealing with his views on living. In my opinion it encapsulates in a few lines, the fundamental meaning of life and of living.

Over the years a great deal of thought has been given, and much has been written about this most important topic and although there is wide variation in the details, there is almost universal agreement on its meaning and expectation. But despite this, people the world over, have continued to search for their individual answers and develop their own, personal solutions. In fact a search of the internet will reveal thousands and thousands of publications and references, each reflecting the personal views of the particular author.

A popular, and to my mind, a very commendable practice is the publication of a series of very impressive and equally relevant quotations dealing with various aspects of life and living, on an increasing number of internet sites and blogs. These have never failed to attract my attention and have served to encourage me to seek out and understand my own views on this most important subject. As a result of this exercise I have selected a few that have impressed me in one way or another and will offer a comment on each under my own heading;

THAT’S LIFE

"We never get what we want,

We never want what we get,

We never have what we like,

We never like what we have.

And still we live & love. That's life..."

This quotation, whose author is unknown, distils the very true impact of life as it relates to each of us. Life is not what we expect it to be, nor is it what we hope it should be, but rather it is what it is, and we must do the best we can, under the circumstances. We spend too much time in searching for the elusive “El Dorado” and lose sight of all we can do with what we have and who we are. We waste our lives chasing after dreams and goals and envying the wealth and status of others and lose sight of all the goodness and happiness that lie within our reach. All you need to do is just reach out and grasp them.
In this context, I would offer a short quotation taken from one of my earlier essays (In search of the Butterfly), which expresses my personal beliefs:

“The most exquisite Flower always grows in your own garden.
The most beautiful Rainbow is seen from your porch.
The Sun is strongest and the Moon is brightest from your window.
Your Heart’s desire is always present at your finger tips.
Seek out your wishes and they will find you.
Open your heart to Life around you,
And you will find that the Life is within you.”
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FORGETTING THE PAST

The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past;
You can't go on well in life until
you let go of your past failures and heartaches.
…….Author Unknown

I can think of no one who is more pathetic, more frustrating, more objectionable and more dismal than someone who spends his whole life holding on to the hurts and the memories of the past. I have no doubt that anyone of us will readily identify such an individual, for they are present all around us and even within us. When this happens, we inevitably find ourselves caught in a conflict between feeling angry with them or feeling sorry for them and often end up more confused and ambivalent.
As I see it, the only purpose of revisiting the past is for the lessons that we can learn from the past. Beyond this, the past must be consigned to the place of forgotten experiences and never be allowed to color our present.
Unfortunately, far too often and for as long as man has existed, history has repeatedly confirmed that the real basis of the evils of this world seem have a direct bearing on this single fact. Wars have been fought, Communities have been destroyed, Families have been broken apart, and friendships shattered, because we have failed to learn and to practice how to forgive and forget. Even worse than this, is the fact that by not forgetting, we invariably end up cheating ourselves of all the goodness and happiness to which we are genuinely entitled.
Catherine Ponder, one of America’s foremost inspirational speakers, described the destructive effect of holding on to the past in the following terms:

“When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person,
or the condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel.

Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.”
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LIVING YOUR LIFE

"When you were born, you were crying

And everyone around you was smiling.

Live your life so that when you die,

You are the one who is smiling,

And everyone around you is crying."

This quotation by Ralph Waldo Emerson, the great American essayist, lecturer, poet and leader of the Transcendentalist movement in the mid-19th century, has justifiably received universal acclaim as one of the most appropriate advice on living your life. Too often we forget that our journey in this world is brief and that any impact we may have achieved will be, to a large extent, dependant on how we choose to conduct our lives.
Although our introduction into the world is the result of events completely beyond our control, it is clear that once arrived, the rest of our existence should and must be a manifestation of the very best we are capable of being.
Someone once wrote that; “the only thing standing between you and a life without any regrets is you.” I believe very firmly that, irrespective of who we are or what we are, we can achieve the best we can be by being ourselves and not by trying to be like someone else. Too often we spend all our lives in wasteful pursuit of the achievements of others, “to be like Mike”, and end up living in constant regret and dissatisfaction, while ignoring the real opportunities that lie at our feet.
To me, I cannot see any difference in the joy and fulfillment experienced for a job satisfactorily completed, whether it is by an architect completing a towering structure, or a surgeon completing a life-saving procedure, or the teacher at the end of a grueling day, or the shoemaker upon completing a pair of shoes. Although they are all totally unrelated activities, they nevertheless provide the common factor of self gratification and respect to each one.
In this respect, I am reminded by two separate quotations, whose authors are unknown, that speak loudly to all of us, and which I strongly recommend should be taken to heart by every one of us:

"Live your life so that at the end of it, you will have no regrets."
and
“The saddest summary of life contains three descriptions:
-Could have,
-Might have,
-Should have.”
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LIFE’S PARADOX

"It's true that we don't know what we've got until it's gone,

But it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives."

This often repeated quotation, for which the author is unknown, has been translated and used the world over to illustrate and to explain the large and confusing expressions of fundamental human relationships. Its message is as genuine as it is simple.

It is a prime example of phenomenon I refer to as the paradox of living. In all aspects of our lives we are continuously confronted with situations that required us to make decisions without the benefit of complete information. We are caught in a dilemma of choosing wrongly and finding out that we lose, or hesitating to choose and also finding out we have not gained.
Whether this relates to a simple personal relationship, or to a community situation or to a national or global confrontation, the outcome, positively or negatively, is directly related to the willingness of the parties to recognize the existing paradox and to consider the resulting consequences.

Without this flexibility of attitude we are committed to continue to live under a cloud of insecurity and uncertainty, and to repeat our mistakes over and over by hesitating instead of going forward, under the influence of age-old excuse:

“We do, we’re damned,
We don’t, we’re damned”

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JUDGING OTHERS

"Always put yourself in others' shoes.

If you feel that it hurts you,

It probably hurts the other person, too."
….Author Unknown

Many years ago I interviewed a middle-aged mother who was found guilty for the murder of her two young children by drowning, to which she freely admitted. As to be expected, there was a public outcry and condemnation of the woman and her “criminal behavior”. After a series of exhaustive interviews and psychiatric evaluations however, I came to the conclusion, and recommended, against a charge of capital crime.

There were very strong extenuating circumstances which to my mind served to render the mother’s action, though never acceptable, at least understandable. She was a victim of repeated, sustained brutal attacks by a vicious, alcoholic husband who mercilessly beat her and the children. Her action, however misguided and flawed, was motivated by her desire to save them from any further abuse. She felt that as a mother who loved her children with such intensity, she could not bear to allow them to suffer anymore.
Clearly, to the objective observer, this kind of thinking was abnormal and extreme and the mother could have used one of a variety of easily available options to get help. But the observer “never stood in her shoes” and never experienced the pain and distortion she experienced. For it is only when we take the time to appreciate the hurts and pains and suffering of our neighbors can we truly “stand” in judgment of them. And whenever we do so, we inevitably end up thanking God for sparing us from the truth contained in the statement widely attributed to the English theologian, reformer and martyr, John Bradford:

“There but for the Grace of God, go I”

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GETTING ENOUGH

May you have;
-Enough happiness to keep you sweet;
-Enough trials to keep you strong;
-Enough sorrow to keep you human;
-Enough hope to keep you happy;
-Enough failure to keep you humble;
-Enough success to keep you eager;
-Enough friends to give you comfort;
-Enough faith and courage in yourselto banish depression;
-Enough wealth to meet your needs;
-Enough determination to make each day
a better day than yesterday.

One of the tragedies of modern society is the absurd and headlong drive to acquire more, achieve more, compete more and spend your life in the reckless, unending pursuit of success. Compounding this is the undeniable fact that our culture is obsessed with increasing demands for personal gain, self-improvement and accomplishments, completely out of proportion to our real needs or to the price we pay to achieve them.
Worse than this, is the fact that we have lost the true meaning of “enough” and seem to measure our needs not by our own yardstick but rather how it compares with the yardsticks of others. The result is a relentless demand for increasing expectations to “keep up” at all cost.

Everything in our society is designed to propagate this attitude of non-stop progress and selfishness beginning at an early age and moving forward from generation to generation. The unfortunate consequence of this attitude is that at some point we are destined to come crashing down and find that we are unable or unprepared to deal with the pain and disappointment of failure.
The above quotation, taken from an old proverb of unknown origin, is a simple but powerful reminder of what life was and ought to be. We are not destined to lead a life of relentless, non-stop drive, rather our lives are more suited to, and better sustained by, adopting a balanced and rewarding approach. We are better people, our lives are more meaningful and we are able to deal with the disappointments of life more appropriately by recognizing that we only need enough and no more.
Wayne Muller, best selling author, philanthropist, community organizer and minister, in his very excellent book entitled “A Life of Being, Having, and Doing Enough”, summarized this most beautifully, in the following manner:

“A life of enough is born in every moment

— in the way we listen, the way we respond to the world,

the way we see what is and tell the truth of who we are.

Every single choice, every single moment,

every change of course can bring us closer to a life of peace,

contentment, authenticity, and easy sufficiency,

and a life of being, having, and doing enough."

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STARTING OVER

"Though no one can go back
and make a brand new start;
Anyone can start from now
and make a brand new ending."

Written by the famous American writer and Pulitzer Prize winner, Carl Bard, this statement speaks volumes by its simple yet eloquent message. For myself, I can do no better that to repeat the words of a young Kenyan student, Susan Kanyiri Kimathi, whose message has so impressed me that I feel it is worthy of repeating in its entirety.

“If you have a chance to start all over again, would you live the life you have now or you would start a new life and do things differently?
Are you satisfied with the life you have now?
Unfortunately life does not give us second chances but we can give ourselves the second chance. We can smile even in the times of adversity, we can write our script again and again any time we do mess up.
Above all, we can talk to our inner spirit to encourage us and give us strength and comfort. Because we do know God who is always by our side, and we do deserve nothing but the best in life.”