LIFE WITH JEALOUSY AND ENVY

Contrary to popular belief, Jealousy combined with Envy is not merely a “negative instinctive emotion or attitude that can affect anyone”. Rather, it should be seen as an all consuming way of life that ultimately devours and destroys a person’s self-esteem as well as his relationship with others. No human emotion can do as much damage to oneself and one’s environment as Jealousy unchecked. John Dryden, the influential 17th century English poet and playwright described this accurately when he wrote:

“Jealousy is the jaundice of the soul”.

Throughout the ages, civilizations and religions have universally condemned jealousy as an evil and undesirable emotion. Some of the most disastrous wars have been fought because of jealousy and envy. History is replete with examples of extreme actions taken by leaders to justify their basic jealousy and envy. More people have suffered directly or indirectly at the hands of jealousy than all the natural disasters in the world.
The Holy Bible in Song of Solomon 8:6-7 records:

“Jealousy is cruel as the grave:
The coals thereof are coals of fire,
which hath a most vehement flame”.

The Holy Quran, in Riyadh-us-Salaheen, Hadith 1569, quotes the Prophet Muhammed:

“Avoid jealousy, for it destroys
good deeds as fire destroys wood."

Buddha in his wisdom, advises:

“Do not overrate what you have received, nor envy others.
He who envies others does not obtain peace of mind”.

Yet despite all of the suffering, the experience of history, and the admonitions of the religions, jealousy remain the strongest and most potent of all the emotions, and continues the exert its negative force on humanity, causing untold pain and suffering to all and sundry.
Nowadays we tend to conflate the separate terms of Jealousy and Envy and use them interchangeably, but traditionally they are quite distinct, each eliciting different emotional responses;
Jealousy refers to the internalized threat to the individual. It is the emotion experienced when an individual felt that a relationship or possession was threatened, or an anticipated loss of something they desired or when attention is directed away from them.
Envy, describes the externalized threat. It is the feelings experienced by one who longed for the possessions or attributes of another, or resented an advantage enjoyed by another person.

Irrespective of which one of these is the primary focus, it inevitably incorporates the other to produce a global response affecting the total person. And once started it will, like a rapidly spreading cancer, continue to spread to involve a person’s whole psyche and his relationship with others, leading to increasing avoidance and isolation.

We can all relate to these states not only because of our experiences with others, but because to a greater or lesser extent we are all guilty of being jealous and envious on many and diverse occasions. Most of the time, these emotions are learned responses and have their origin in early experiences, especially related to parental attitudes and influences. Many experts suggest that there may be an inherited component, pointing to the commonly regarded fact that “it runs in families”. Whatever the etiology however, there is no doubt that the long term consequences of uncontrolled or uncorrected jealousy and envy are personality destruction, distrust and isolation. It is interesting to note that these emotions do exist in the animal kingdom as well and at times may lead to major conflicts within the groups.
Overcoming jealousy and envy can be exceedingly difficult and sometimes almost impossible. It requires a self awareness of the individual that his attitudes and actions are false, and a need to come to terms with his failures. Unfortunately because of an underlying fear and anger associated conviction, it becomes very difficult to persuade them to do so.
In the end, many of them tend to be avoided or become increasingly isolated. As an Indian author whose name is Rajwinraj concluded in his poem:

“Jealousy is anger, jealousy is hate
Jealousy may lurk behind any hidden gate,
Jealousy is deadly, under the night sky
Jealousy is a poison, that many die by”.

< >

Anger is cruel and fury overwhelming,
But who can stand before Jealousy.
……Proverbs 27:4


There is no greater glory than love,
nor any greater punishment than jealousy.
…Lope de Vega

It is not love that is blind, but jealousy.
……..Lawrence Durrell,

Jealousy injures us with the dagger of self-doubt.
…..Leslie Grimutter

The Jealous bring down the curse they fear upon their own heads. ……..Dorothy Dix

Of all the passions, Jealousy is that which exacts the hardest service and pays the bitterest wages.
…… Charles Caleb Colton

The jealous are troublesome to others, but a torment to themselves. ……William Penn

Jealousy is the tie that binds, and binds, and binds.
……..Helen Rowland

Envy is the art of counting the other fellow's blessings instead of your own. …..Harold Coffin

Envy slays itself by its own arrows. ……..Author Unknown

Our envy always lasts longer than
the happiness of those we envy.
..…..François Duc de La Rochefoucauld

As iron is eaten by rust,
so are the envious consumed by envy.
…….Antisthenes


Envy lurks at the bottom of the human heart;
Like a viper in its hole.
……Honore de Balzac

The praise of the Envious is far less creditable than its censure;
It praises only that which it can surpass,
But that which surpasses it, is censured.
…..Charles Caleb Colton